Babylon 5 Humor

Babylon 5 Humor Folder # 1
America Online
Keyword: Babylon 5

Babylon 5 Message Center /Humor
Subj: Re:my old humor
Date: 12/12/95 9:07:49 PM
From: MAKagle
Posted on: America Online

Although Kosh did say a full sentence that made complete sense
when talking to Sheridan at the beginning of the season.

He said something like “I was tired. I was resting in my ship.
Showing myself to so many people was … difficult.”

I nearly fell off my futon, it made so much sense.Subj: Re:my old
humor
Date: 12/13/95 12:42:24 AM
From: MythoPhile
Posted on: America Online

<<Although Kosh did say a full sentence that made complete sense
when talking to Sheridan at the beginning of the season.>>

Missed that; I must’ve passed out…Subj: Re:Subliminal Message?
Date: 12/13/95 5:14:33 AM
From: Skip449
Posted on: America Online

It said, “THE PSI CORPS IS YOUR FRIEND”Subj: Kosh — a song cue…
Date: 12/13/95 6:54:46 AM
From: GTEfurd
Posted on: America Online

Just occurred to me…

thinking of Kosh’s “unveiling” at the end of last season…

the song “Undercover angel” sprang to mind, although I can’t for the
life of me remember
anything to the song other than that snippet from the chorus…

“Undercover angel/ midnight fantasy…” or something like that.
Subj: Another lightbulb
Date: 12/14/95 1:44:14 AM
From: ShadowAtB5
Posted on: America Online

How many B5 staff members does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

 

 

 

 
None. They’re all too busy trying to uncover the conspiracy that
caused the old lightbulb to burn out.Subj: More light bulbs…
Date: 12/14/95 2:29:23 AM
From: MythoPhile
Posted on: America Online

How many PTEN executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?
/
/
/
/
/
/
/
/
You know, we can really put off changing it for another 2 or 3
months…Subj: Re: Reindeer
Date: 12/14/95 4:37:25 AM
From: Rick9719
Posted on: America Online

Has anyone given consideration to Santa’s proper arrival method on
B5? Do the reindeer just land on the spine of the station, or do they
fly in the docking bay and he lands on the individual apartments in
the station? What about the alien sector? Has anyone warned Delen
to put up a stocking? Do they arrive on December 25, or in B5
tradition, when the light of December 25th arrives on the station a
few days later? Subj: Re: Reindeer
Date: 12/14/95 7:35:48 PM
From: AmbsdrJKar
Posted on: America Online

Actually, I think they let Santa park his sleigh in the same docking
bay that Kosh is in. He’s the only human as mysterious as a Vorlon,
just much more jolly.Subj: Re: Reindeer
Date: 12/14/95 8:49:08 PM
From: GONE CYBER
Posted on: America Online

<<<Actually, I think they let Santa park his sleigh in the same
docking bay that Kosh is in. He’s the only human as mysterious as a
Vorlon, just much more jolly.>>>

So Santa’s reindeer and Kosh’s ship can sing Christmas carols
together. How wonderful!Subj: Re: Reindeer
Date: 12/14/95 9:53:24 PM
From: AmberH
Posted on: America Online

And now let’s start working on new christmas carols like “Londo, the
rednosed Centauri”…Subj: Re: Reindeer
Date: 12/15/95 1:25:56 AM
From: MythoPhile
Posted on: America Online

Actually, Rudolf and the sleigh are the real power… Santa is just
a communications device…Subj: Re:Lightbulb jokes
Date: 12/15/95 7:54:24 AM
From: JMBalloon
Posted on: America Online

How many Earthers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

 

 

 
Two, but it has to be a really big bulb!Subj: Re: Reindeer
Date: 12/15/95 5:00:05 PM
From: MAKagle
Posted on: America Online

Hey, for all we know, Kosh IS a jolly Vorlon. We just don’t
understand his sense of humor (since all the punch lines are:
“Yes”.Subj: Babylon 5 Filk song…
Date: 12/16/95 12:31:40 PM
From: Savah
Posted on: America Online

Ok, for those of you who aren’t part of the general Fandom
community, Filk Music is fandom folk music. (The word “filk” has 2
origins – one, the “i” is next to the “o” so filk is a typo, and two,
most filk songs are “filched” from another tune.) So now that the
Christmas jokes are running, here’s my contribution to Babylon 5
filk…
The 12 Days of Christmas

On the _____th day of Christmas the Earth Force gave to me:

12 Lurkers downbelow
11 Technomages
10 human rangers
9 Narn rebels
8 Centauri fighters
7 Non-alligned worlds
6 Psi Cops
5 Babylons
4 Shadow warriors
3 Minbari castes
a Captain and Commander
and a Vorlon in a pear tree

just don’t shoot the filk singer….}:-}Subj: Re:Babylon 1-4
Date: 12/16/95 4:51:55 PM
From: Kazooquasi
Posted on: America Online

What happened to Babylon 1-4?

 

 

 
Nobody knows. They got moved to 1:00 AM on Saturdays and no one
has seen them since.Subj: Sheridan and Lightbulbs
Date: 12/16/95 7:44:26 PM
From: Skelebot
Posted on: America Online

How many B5 personnel does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

 

 

 

None, when they almost finish Sheridan calls them into his office
just to say, “You’re doing a good job, keep it up. Dismissed.”

Skelebot the Lame Joker and B5erSubj: Re:12 Days of Christmas
Date: 12/17/95 5:55:25 PM
From: RosalindB
Posted on: America Online

I love it!

I was trying to shop at the mall last weekend. While looking for a
sweatshirt for my brother, I came across those college sweatshirts.
Anyway, these slogans popped into my head:

Psicorps University..a mind is a terrible thing to waste.

Psicorps U..free your mind, we can read it anyway.

Minbar U..educating body and soul.

Subj: Re:12 Days of Christmas
Date: 12/17/95 8:41:09 PM
From: AmberH
Posted on: America Online

Not that I wanna write it or anything, but here’s another filked
holiday song idea for you –

“O, Babylon, o Babylon” to the theme of Oh TannenbaumSubj: Re:
Reindeer
Date: 12/17/95 11:13:18 PM
From: Songokuten
Posted on: America Online

>>Has anyone given consideration to Santa’s proper arrival method on
B5? Do the reindeer just land on the spine of the station, or do they
fly in the docking bay and he lands on the individual apartments in
the station? What about the alien sector? Has anyone warned Delen
to put up a stocking? Do they arrive on December 25, or in B5
tradition, when the light of December 25th arrives on the station a
few days later? <<

Rudolph makes the Jump Point, while Donner and Blitzon create an
artificial gravity field to train them on B5’s hull.
“Whoa, Comet, watch out for the electric sparks in the “La Grange
Point” off Io and Europa… Oh no, we lost Dachsund(isn’t that reindeer
name? ๐Ÿ˜‰ ) re-entering Earth’s atmosphere!!
Oh, god, I forgot about Epsilon 3…. (hours later)….. Watch the speed
Rudolph… Too many gee forces… Oh no, Rudolph? Rudolph?
….Donner’s blacking out too!! We’re accelerating at 9.8 meters per
second per second, Blitzon, we need some inertia countering gravity
fields!!! We’ve forgotten to adjust for Rudolphs dead weight!! The
ballistic coefficient is two decimals off!!!
There’s a teddy bear in orbit– and it’s heading into our path!!!!!!!!!!!
AAAAAIIIIIEEEEEEEE!!!!”
Santa impacts Babearlon five, the unwanted toy, at 1400 meters
per second. The impact creates about 3 billion joules of force
instantly (a bit more than 3 billion watts). In a flash of energy
output that would have lit every city in California for an entire
second, Santa meets his eternal destiny with a stuffed animal. How
ironic….Subj: Re: Reindeer
Date: 12/17/95 11:34:04 PM
From: Badinov
Posted on: America Online

umm, Yes.

along the same lines….

> > 1) No known species of reindeer can fly. But it is estimated that
there
> > are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and
while
> > most of these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY
rule out
> > flying reindeer, which only Santa has ever seen.
> >
> > 2) There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world.
But
> > since Santa doesn’t (appear) to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish
and
> > Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total
– 378
> > million according to the Population Reference Bureau. At an
average
> > (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that’s 91.8 million
homes.
> > One presumes there’s at least one good child in each.
> >
> > 3) Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the
different
> > time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels
east to west
> > (which seems logical). This works out to 822.6 visits per second.
This is
> > to say that for each Christian household with good children,
Santa has
> > 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down
the chimney,
> > fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the
tree, eat
> > whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get
back into the
> > sleigh and move on to the next house. Assuming that each of
these 91.8
> > million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of
course, we
> > know to be false but for the purposes of our calculations we will
accept),
> > we are now talking about .78 miles per household, a total trip of
75-1/2
> > million miles, not counting stops to do what most of us must do
at least
> > once every 31 hours, plus feeding and etc. This means that
Santa’s sleigh
> > is moving at 650 miles per second, 3,000 times the speed of
sound. For
> > purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle, the
Ulysses space
> > probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second – a conventional
reindeer can
ยง> > run, tops, 15 miles per hour.
> >
> > 4) The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element.
Assuming
> > that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized lego set
(2 pounds),
> > the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is
invariably
> > described as overweight. On land, conventional reindeer can pull
no more
> > than 300 pounds. Even granting that “flying reindeer” (see point
#1) could
> > pull ten times the normal amount, we cannot do the job with
eight, or even
> > nine. We need 214,200 reindeer. This increases the payload – not
even
> > counting the weight of the sleigh – to 353,430 tons. Again, for
comparison
> > – this is four times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth.
> >
> > 5) 353,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates
enormous air
> > resistance – this will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as
> > spacecraft re-entering the earth’s atmosphere. The lead pair of
reindeer
> > will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy, per second,.each.
In short,
> > they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the
reindeer
> > behind them, and create deafening sonic booms in their wake. The
entire
> > reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a
second. Santa,
> > meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06
times greater
> > than gravity. A 250-pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim)
would be
> > pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force.
> >
> > In conclusion – If Santa ever DID deliver presents on Christmas
Eve, he’s
> > dead now.
> > Subj: Re: Reindeer
Date: 12/18/95 5:02:53 AM
From: Rick9719
Posted on: America Online

<<No known species of reindeer can fly…>>
A couple of points. Santa’s reindeer aren’t a different species,
they’re simply enchanted. Science fiction fans should be used to the
concept of ‘unidentified power sources’. Note the bag in Santas
sleigh has a transdimensional engeniering aspect to it (Similar to
the Tardis) so that the reindeer don’t have to pull all that weight.
Also don’t forget Santa doesn’t actually deliver all presents on one
night. Not all countries celebrate christmas on December 25th.
Subj: Ivanova on forum screen
Date: 12/18/95 3:54:05 PM
From: ZenGEOS
Posted on: America Online

OK.. I preferred Ivcanova saying?

No boom today? Boom Tomorrow?

I thought it kinda fit her TV personality and was humorous! I want it
baaack! ๐Ÿ˜‰
Sorry if it’s not appropriate, but I always got a kick out of that when
seeing it in the message area window.

Mark-
Subj: Christmas letter…
Date: 12/18/95 5:24:45 PM
From: AmbsdrJKar
Posted on: America Online

Dear Santa,

I’ve been a very good boy this year. What I want is an electronic
“voice it” machine. You know, one of those little devices that you
talk into and then push a button and it repeats what you’d said over
and over again. I think it would be real fun to screw with
everybody’s head’s on the station. They already don’t know jack
about me so I figured, “what the hell”. Thank you.
Ambasador Kosh

P.S. Oh, and bring me lots of batteries, too. I plan on using it alot.
Tee hee.Subj: Re:Lightbulb Jokes
Date: 12/19/95 4:04:23 AM
From: TCG MJW
Posted on: America Online

Q:How many Centauri does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

 

 
A:Just one… But in the Great Days of the Old Republic,Thousands of
servants would change thousands of lightbulbs at the Emperor’s
slightest whim…..

Q:How many Vorlons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

 

 
A:You are not ready to know this yet.
P.S. I was at the electronics section at Wal-Mart last week and I
saw a product called a “Blue Leopard Mouse”…it was shaped like a
heart without the notch on top and was dark blue with a mottled
iridescent leopard pattern coloring it….i said to the wife “Look,
honey! it’s a Vorlon peripheral device Ha!!”….check it out if you dont
believe…
Subj: Re: Reindeer
Date: 12/19/95 7:45:35 PM
From: Songokuten
Posted on: America Online

Thanks, Badinov!! Ive been looking for my printout of that from last
year all week. Thanks!!Subj: Re: Reindeer
Date: 12/19/95 11:12:40 PM
From: GONE CYBER
Posted on: America Online

<<<A couple of points. Santa’s reindeer aren’t a different species,
they’re simply enchanted. Science fiction fans should be used to the
concept of ‘unidentified power sources’. Note the bag in Santas
sleigh has a transdimensional engeniering aspect to it (Similar to
the Tardis) so that the reindeer don’t have to pull all that weight.
Also don’t forget Santa doesn’t actually deliver all presents on one
night. Not all countries celebrate christmas on December 25th. >>>

I just would like to say that I don’t believe we’re having this
conversation and that Santa will bring you all a one-way ticket to a
funny farm with a nice padded room and a view . Thank youSubj: Ah
Babylon 5…
Date: 12/20/95 12:01:41 AM
From: Skelebot
Posted on: America Online

Babylon 5 is a show in which “ailen” means more than ribbed noses
and pointy ears. On B5 “ailen” means tentacles, encounter suits,
bone heads and wierd masks.

SkelebotSubj: drinking game
Date: 12/20/95 3:20:51 PM
From: MAKagle
Posted on: America Online

Got another one for the drinking game:

Drink anytime you see a black flower (I can think of two instances,
Narn assassins and the Black Rose Killer).Subj: Babylon 5 Christmas
list
Date: 12/20/95 9:34:29 PM
From: SATAI 3
Posted on: America Online

I tried to start a new folder for this, but the board was full. This is
the closest topic I could find (since this is humor too).

A Babylon 5 Christmas list.

1. Sheridan: A passport to Z’hadum
2. Zathrus: A PC with a good math coprocessor.
3. G’Kar: Londo’s head on a platter.
4. Garibaldi: A day where “nothing happens.”
5. Morden: Some time all alone.
6. Franklin: A two week stay at the Betty Ford Clinic.
7. Lennier: A new wardrobe.
8.Delenn: A visit to the salons of Vidal Sasson.
9. Ivanova: An unlimited supply of “real” coffee.
10. Lyta Alexander: New clothes to cover her “gills”.
11. Londo: A new “Jimminy Cricket” now that Vir is gone.
and #12………………

 
12. Kosh-??? NEVER ASK HIM WHAT HE WANTS!!!!Subj: Re:drinking
game
Date: 12/21/95 4:19:55 AM
From: MythoPhile
Posted on: America Online

Here’s a drinking game:

Drink everytime you see a fan going. It seems to be JMS’s second
favorite symbol, after mirrors…Subj: Re:Babylon 5 Christmas list
Date: 12/21/95 4:26:22 PM
From: Grimlock1
Posted on: America Online

Sheridain might want to bring some friends to Z’hadum. I don’t know
maybe Bishop(Marvel, not Aliens), Cable, Rambo, the Terminator, the
Predator, Martain Riggs*!!!!!

* As in Lethal Weapon.Subj: Re:Babylon 1-4
Date: 12/21/95 7:01:46 PM
From: RuaxKodesh
Posted on: America Online

Boom!Subj: Re:Babylon 5 Christmas list
Date: 12/21/95 11:07:51 PM
From: Songokuten
Posted on: America Online

>>Sheridain might want to bring some friends to Z’hadum. I don’t
know maybe Bishop(Marvel, not Aliens), Cable, Rambo, the
Terminator, the Predator, Martain Riggs*!!!!!

* As in Lethal Weapon<<
Don’t forget the Real Ghostbusters and the Orkin Man…Subj:
Diplomatic advice
Date: 12/21/95 11:41:44 PM
From: Skelebot
Posted on: America Online

Londo’s advice to Vir while nogotiation with G’Kar:

“Don’t give up the homeworld.”

G’Kar, insulted by Londo sending Vir leaves and puts Na’toth in
charge, his advice:

“Don’t give up the homeworld.”

Skelebot the Lame JokerSubj: Re:Best Line
Date: 12/23/95 4:38:44 AM
From: Jester1069
Posted on: America Online

I personally liked G’kars little song when they were stuck “Not many
fishies…”Subj: No little fishies
Date: 12/24/95 2:36:15 PM
From: Savah
Posted on: America Online

I actually saw a complete song of that posted up on the Net
somewhere….might have been the Encylclopaedia Biologica, under
Narn
(it’s an awsome page, check it!)

heh heh I’ll have to work on “O Babylon, O Babylon”….
Merry Christmas, everyone! I think, overall, that this is a fun bunch
of people!

And a special Merry Christmas to the Great Maker, JMS, and the cast
and crew of Babylon 5!
Keep up the good work and don’t lose faith! The fans will keep the
show alive!!
Subj: Conolidated?
Date: 12/25/95 4:10:43 AM
From: Rick9719
Posted on: America Online

<<…Its time we conolidated this vital information.>>

I’m open to suggestions as to how we can ‘conolidate’ information.
(That will teach me to start folders late at night without a
dictionary in hand.). Actually Conolidate is a Mimbari term meaning :
to consolidate and computerize.
Subj: Re:University Sweatshirts
Date: 12/29/95 7:04:45 AM
From: Boudaeca
Posted on: America Online

RosalindB,

I loved your PsiCorps and Minbar Universtiy sweatshirt ideas!!!!

Peace,
BoudaecaSubj: Re:Subliminal Message?
Date: 12/29/95 8:11:38 PM
From: FrogPriest
Posted on: America Online

Yes I noticed it but I was unable to read it. Maybe someone taped it
and can play it back frame by frame in slow motion.Subj:
Re:Subliminal Message?
Date: 12/31/95 3:55:09 PM
From: MAKagle
Posted on: America Online

It says

“The Corps is your friend. Trust the corps.”

Jms said it was on for 4 frames so it doesn’t legally count as
subliminal messaging.Subj: Re:Lightbulb jokes How many
Date: 1/1/96 9:25:22 AM
From: Fionnha
Posted on: America Online
<<<<How many Earth Force personnel does it take to install a light
bulb?
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
Just one. But he has to chant “Ivanova is god” while he works. :)
Rosalind>>>>

The ONE bless you for this, Rosalind. I laughed till it hurt!Subj: A
New Light Bulb Joke
Date: 1/1/96 4:46:33 PM
From: Mikabusky
Posted on: America Online

How many Vorlons does it take to screw in a light bulb?

 

 

 

 

None… They ARE the light!Subj: Another New Light Bulb Joke
Date: 1/1/96 4:48:05 PM
From: Mikabusky
Posted on: America Online

How many B5’ers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

 

 

 

 

If Garibaldi gets his hands on whoever busted the first one, he’ll let
you know.Subj: Yet Another New Bulb Joke
Date: 1/1/96 5:33:05 PM
From: Mikabusky
Posted on: America Online

How many Rangers does it take to change a light bulb?

 

 

 

 

Just “The One.” =) <*>Subj: Re:Univ Sweatshirts/Boudaeca
Date: 1/2/96 1:26:17 AM
From: RosalindB
Posted on: America Online

Thanks! I was wondering if anyone else liked them. Maybe some
enterprising soul will actually make a shirt. :)
RosalindSubj: Re:Yet Another New Bulb Joke
Date: 1/3/96 7:54:18 PM
From: Songokuten
Posted on: America Online

>>Just “The One.” =) <*><<
“Just the One” ???
…Duncan MacLeod??

There can be ONLY one!Subj: Re:Humor on the Show
Date: 1/6/96 12:14:10 AM
From: Talethea
Posted on: America Online

My favorite scene was when Garibaldi hack some hidden files to
Sheridan’s terminal. When the captain’s door started opening and
closing, I nearly hurt myself laughing.Subj: Babyloniacs
Date: 1/6/96 5:41:45 PM
From: Kmegn
Posted on: America Online

Hi all — this was forwarded to me by a friend in CA. Enjoy!

(Darkness. Sunrise breaks across the edge of the
Warner Water Tower.)
YAKKO: (v.o.) The Babbling-On Project was our last, best
hope for peace.
WAKKO: Pizza!?
YAKKO: Later. A water tower five miles long… well,
actually, fifty feet high, but aren’t these
perspective shots great?
(Incredibly fast camera motion down to the base of the Tower,
long, l-o-n-g perspective wide-angle, then hard fast zoom up
into Yakko’s left nostril.)
YAKKO: Hey, come on! I’m trying to be dramatic here.
DOT: Let us know how it works out.
YAKKO: It was the dawn of the Third Age of Toonkind… the
year the Turner War came upon us all.

(Stock footage of Betty Boop and Koko the Clown, cringing in
terror as they are painfully colorized.)

YAKKO: The year is 1995. The name of the place… is
Babbling-On Forever.
WAKKO: Shouldn’t we save that name for the third movie?
YAKKO: Only if we replace Bruce Boxleitner with Val Kilmer.
DOT: He’s so cu-u-ute!
ALL: (singing) It’s time for Bab-y-lo-ni-acs!
Science Fiction to the max!
WAKKO: Someone wrote this song before —
YAKKO: Might as well do it once more —
ALL: We’re Bab-y-lo-ni-acs!
—————————-
Tonight’s episode: “The Long Struggle with the Enquirer,” or “A Night
Falls In Brooklyn”
—————————-
(Captain’s office. Yakko, Wakko, and Dot sit around a table
playing a card game.)
YAKKO: I bid two purple.
WAKKO: Two green.
DOT: Two no scarf.
(Following shot of well-reverbed boots and a walking-stick.
The boots stop in the doorway of the Captain’s office.)

VOICE: ‘Ollo, mon.
(Captain’s office. All look up in surprise.)
VOICE: Is dis de office of Cap’n Yakko Sheridan?
YAKKO: It isn’t the Satellite of Love. Who’re you?
VOICE: I will ask de questions ‘ere.

(Starting at boots, pan up to see a Victorian Englishman…
with the head of a Disney shellfish.)

SEBASTIAN: I am… Sebastian.
YAKKO: That wacky Smith. Always riding the ragged edge of
Michael Eisner’s legal team.
SEBASTIAN: De Vorlons ‘ave sent me. I am… an Enquirer.
WAKKO: I can see that. You’re not as garish as the Weekly
World News.
SEBASTIAN: No! … I am ‘ere to test your worthiness.

(Y, W & D as accountants going over their records.)

YAKKO: Well, let’s see. After the last renegotiation,
and taking into account audio-video royalties and
ancillary licensing…
SEBASTIAN: NOO! I am here to ask: Who are you?
DOT: … Dorothy, the Small and Meek?
SEBASTIAN: Insufficient answer.
DOT: Well, take it up with my birth certificate.

(She whips out her B.C., with an adorable photo at age
.02 and the words “Name: Dorothy Warner; Size: Small;
Temperament: Meek”.)

SEBASTIAN: (examining certificate) Hmmm. You’re really
cute in dot one. (does a take) Hey! Dot’s not
what I meant!
DOT: But Dot’s what you said!
AKKO: Ohh, no, you don’t. We’re not gonna do any more
cheap accent jokes than we have to. As to who we
are… Captain Yakko Sheridan, at your service.
WAKKO: Mister Wakkobaldi, on your tail. (He stands on
the tail of Sebastian’s suitcoat, flipping him
backwards onto his shellfishy butt.)
SEBASTIAN: YeeOWCH!
DOT: (throws herself into his arms) And I’m Commander
Ih-Dotti-va… in your dreams.
SEBASTIAN: Shoo! Shoo! Get away!
YAKKO: (clicks comlink) Dr. Franklinstiff, could you get
down here, please?
DOC: (v.o.) Zhuure, Kap-tin. Vhat do you haff forh me?
YAKKO: I think an entree.

— It gets worse from here. If anybody wants the whole thing, drop
me a line and I’ll e-mail it to you; it’s too long to fit here. —
KaySubj: Re:Babyloniacs
Date: 1/8/96 2:36:06 AM
From: IronKobra
Posted on: America Online

<ROTF> This is GREAT!!!!!!!!! Send me the rest puhleeze! Thanks!!Subj:
knock knock
Date: 1/12/96 6:12:44 AM
From: MBarnes423
Posted on: America Online

knock knock
who’s there?
Kosh
Kosh who?
…Y-E-SSubj: Re:knock knock
Date: 1/12/96 3:22:52 PM
From: AmberH
Posted on: America Online

>>knock knock
who’s there?
Kosh
Kosh who?
…Y-E-S<<

For some reason, I keep thinking the word “Yes” should be said in a
Brain voice (as in Pinky and The…. – mebee we could get Harlan to
tell the joke for us?)Subj: Re: Reindeer
Date: 1/12/96 6:13:26 PM
From: TinyDrTim
Posted on: America Online

> not counting stops to do what most of us must do at least once
every 31 hours<

Santa has a catheter and bag, not unlike NASA spacesuits. No need to
stop. :)Subj: the mighty Sirmon
Date: 1/12/96 11:21:10 PM
From: Xiamin II
Posted on: America Online

last year a friend of mine had a real nasty teacher, his name was Mr.
Sirmon. he looked just like londoo with worse cloothes, and white
hair. he talked with a real wiered accent “you have to take a
laaaaaannd rovuh, if you wish to jouuurnnnny though Afrika” his
native languuage was afrinkans. if you have seen this mighty sirmon
on the loose, please send me a message.Subj: Re:my old humor
Date: 1/12/96 11:35:20 PM
From: Daedeles
Posted on: America Online

Do it man!!!!
Subj: Re:my old humor
Date: 1/13/96 1:08:40 AM
From: Songokuten
Posted on: America Online

Is that to me?

(I’m not sure it’s still funny; about half of it was spoiler stuff, in
the obscure-joke format, such as the “Kosh’ll have to wing it”, “Don’t
throw stones” and “Well, G’Kar, it’s not the end of the world.”Subj:
Re:lightbulb
Date: 1/14/96 8:36:52 AM
From: MBarnes423
Posted on: America Online

How many EA personnel does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one but he goes through 5 bulbs before he finds one that stays
litSubj: New joke
Date: 1/17/96 4:13:21 AM
From: CELT56
Posted on: America Online

Garibaldi and Sheridan have just left a restaurant
on B5 and along comes Kosh. Kosh exclaims”How I
love the atmosphere here, like spring back at home
planet.” After Kosh leaves, Sheridan angrily chides
“Michael!” Garibaldi”That’s the first time I did that
and somebody appreciated it!”Subj: Last Joke
Date: 1/17/96 11:46:50 PM
From: SallyS5000
Posted on: America Online

That stunk!Subj: Re:lightbulb
Date: 1/21/96 6:42:19 AM
From: Mithfan
Posted on: America Online

Let me guess, someone broke the first three and the fourth just
disappeared?Subj: Re:lightbulb
Date: 1/27/96 12:06:53 AM
From: AnnaAsher
Posted on: America Online

Mithfan, LOL at that one…..very nice.Subj: top ten
Date: 1/27/96 10:01:03 PM
From: Songokuten
Posted on: America Online

 

Top Ten most embarrassing things that you could be doing when an
officer of
lower rank walks in on you…

10. Dining Pak’Ma Ra style.
9. Anyone read Clark’s Law yet? remember Brian Grond? (that’s all
I’ll say
on THAT one!)
8. Using your entire year’s ration of moose just to have the killer
‘Centauri look.’
7. Having a conversation with a gloppit egg.
6. Slicing your hand open for the poetic drama- with a butter knife!
5. Taking a shower, and thinking the whole Talia thing was a bad
dream.
4. Snoring.
3. Using your attributes to open a six-pack (Centauri only).
2. Watching Duck Dodgers, and laughing with it!
1. … Just wait a while… You’ll find out eventually…
Top five worst rumors on the Babylon 5 station.

5. Londo wears a rug.
4. Birds evolved from Narns.
3. Ivanova is gay. (where did THAT one come from?? ๐Ÿ˜‰
2. Ambassador Delenn used to be male (was supposed to be male,
though).
1. That, according to Lyta Alexander, once you’ve had Kosh, you never
go
back.
Subj: Toung Twisters
Date: 1/30/96 6:31:31 AM
From: AmbsdrJKar
Posted on: America Online

Ok lets see what kind of toung twisters we can create….

How much cash could a crippled Kosh carry if a crippled Kosh could
carry cash?
Subj: Re:Toung Twisters
Date: 2/1/96 12:52:21 AM
From: Songokuten
Posted on: America Online
I have two tongue twisters for you to try:

How many ships could the Shadows rip with the Shadow ships
equipped to rip

How many Narn could the Centauri harm if the Centauri arms
disarmed the alarmSubj: Voices of Authority
Date: 2/6/96 7:51:01 AM
From: NewMystic
Posted on: America Online

I can’t believe that no one has posted here about the latest episode.

Thought I’d fall on the floor when Captain Sheridan glanced down at
the porno protacol gal and said it must be colder in here than I
thought.

Or how about her grumble to Zack about how the Captain must be
good in union meetings because of his ability to avoid a simple
proposition….Subj: Re: Voices of Authority
Date: 2/7/96 12:46:18 AM
From: Jevenkah
Posted on: America Online

…or Zack undressing her with his eyes everytime they met?Subj:
Humorous Spoilers
Date: 2/7/96 1:19:01 AM
From: Songokuten
Posted on: America Online

These are some top secret spoilers for upcoming episodes… (don’t
worry, this is all comedy)
(I said *don’t* worry!)

In a soon-to-be-written episode, tragedy befalls ISN when the Great
Maker
decides to smite all TV execs. (that one was easy to see coming ๐Ÿ˜‰

Then, in an episode called “The Goemetry of the Falling Night in
Z’Ha’Dum’s
Shadows”, Londo tries to strangle, shoot, and otherwise eliminate
Refa. But
the Centauri politician pulls a ‘Ronald Reagan’, and survives. Aware
of
Londo’s wish to Keffernate him, Refa has weapons shipped to G’Kar in
the
Narn-contra scandal.
Sheridan plans to become intimate with Delenn, but after an
embarrassing,
and painful, attempt to procreate, they reallize that Delenn is not
quite
anatomically compatable. Someone uses the term ‘bonehead’, and
Sheridan goes
ballistic. Delenn has a long talk with Lyta, and the two gossip about
Kosh
for hours.

In “The Day That Mars Stood Still”, a civil war breaks out between
the
Nightwatch and the Democrats (sorry, couldn’t help it), and Mars is
caught in
the middle. Kwato, leader of the Telepaths’ Underground Railroad
And Parcel
Delivery Service, decides to use Centauri tactics on Earthgov, and
uses
shipments of hardcover Stephen King books to Mass Drive Geneva.
The
substancially heavier mass that is used against Earth shorts out the
‘Drivers, so they are required to use Designated Drivers instead.
Geneva is
obliterated and ISN sends Cynthia Torqueman in to do a live
exclusive story.
Thank Kosh!
While watching the destruction, Sheridan ponders when violence,
hatred,
and the IRS will all disappear. Then he ponders what Delenn is going
to wear
to their next date. Ivanova beats him over the head for being
shallow, and
reminds him that G’Kar has an interview to be head of the pro-
literacy group.
G’Kar gets the job, and makes another stirring speech about
illiteracy
and the Mass Driving of Earth. “Different day, same shrock..”

“Passing through Muspelheim”:
The Nightwatch takes Mars, Earth and Io, but they attempt no
landings on
Europa. To free Earth, Ivanova is forced to re-visit Sigma 957 to ask
for
aid from the First and Second ones. Unfortunately, the WhiteStar is
unable
to make the journey due to sabbotage. Apparently, some members of
the
Warrior Caste filled the gas-stomach with flarn and sugar, and gave
it
indigestion. The closest pit-stop was a tiny, pathetic space station
called
Deep Space The Sequel Above And Beyond, but, unfortunately, the
mechanics
there could only fix things for a week, and then the device would
cause some
new, uncharacteristic anomolies. To add to their trouble, everything
on
board the station was self serve and Ivanova was forced to do jobs
that a
Gropo would find beneath him.
Draal arrived with repair instructions, but was for some reason
mistaken
for an ambassador of a different Bone-Headed race.
Meanwhile, in the Minbar system, the Grey Council arrived to
discuss the
coming war with the populous. As they passed in front of their star
(they
like that maneuver), a sight guaranteed to inspire the Minbari people,
the
tail end of Grey Council One exploded, hurtling the ship about like a
top,
and all aboard were killed by the extreme forces of inertia and the
gees
created by the ship’s spinning. Then it exploded, and the corpses
were
decompressed. As if that wasn’t enough, two freighters mistakenly
opened
jump-points in Grey Council One’s remains causing a ‘Bone-head
maneuver’
blast.
A Minbari named Morgenn Clhark was sworn in as leader of the
Minbari
people immediately afterwards.
Back at Sigma 957, Ivanova, after a late arrival, was dismayed to
find a
note saying that the planet had to be fumigated, and that she could
reach
them at Omega 90210i/cubed-root-of-e instead. Unfortunately,
complex,
immaginary planets could not be traced without higher math than the
quadradic
equation, so Zathras couldn’t help. To be continued– (outta space
here)Subj: Humorous Spoilers
Date: 2/7/96 1:20:21 AM
From: Songokuten
Posted on: America Online

Continued… (these posts are too small!)
Unfortunately, complex,
immaginary planets could not be traced without higher math than the
quadradic
equation, so Zathras couldn’t help. Draal could try to talk her
through the
math, but his long sentences and deep voice put her to
sleep.
Then there’s “The Never-Ending War Story” which involves Londo
and Draal
fused into one personality by the Computer’s A.I. ability to do
impressions.
Also the episode that David Corwin (Tech 1 in C&C, I believe)
commits suicide
in; Windows ’60 is found to be responsible for the peoblems, and
Refa is
simpathetic.
The last episode I got to see via the Spatial/Time Transitional
Inertia
Theory (Time is a plane, like x, y, or z, and is the fourth dimention,
so
Newton’s laws can be used for time travel if you can create temporal
thrust
[always happens when you’re having fun]. Driving a Delorian doesn’t
hurt
either.) was “To Serve Vorlons”.
It was a great episode!!! Surprise ending, too! Morgan Clark’s new
agricultural program is a hit with his associates. Sheridan refuses
to try
the truly divine cuisine, and revolts against EarthForce following
the last
act.
The ads for next time show Ivanova back aboard the WhiteStar, but
Bester
is there as well! He’s sitting in front and left of her, at the helm.
Amis
joins them in case any of the WhiteStar’s parts decide to act badly.
Then
PTEN threw in a dozen random clips of Shadows, Starfuries, and
extraneous
shots of ships exploding.
Looks like this season will really be a doozy of an amphibious
homicide
specialist. (That’s a joke that’s played itself out in genie and
compuserve,
but I don’t know if JMS’ posts were ever reposted here, so just ask
around if
you’re not sure.)
Subj: Re: Voices of Authority
Date: 2/10/96 3:37:18 PM
From: LadyPomona
Posted on: America Online

No wonder Sheridan turned down her “simple proposition” …..she’s
just not his type (no bone ridges on her head! )Subj: Re: Voices of
Authority
Date: 2/11/96 6:32:41 PM
From: RosalindB
Posted on: America Online

That woman was a classic “Date from Hades” if I ever saw one. Over
at the X-files board, there’s an abbreviation used; “UDG” –
undesirable date girl.

How many Ministry of Peace members does it take to screw in a
lightbulb?

 

 
None. They don’t believe darkness exists.

RosalindBSubj: Re: Voices of Authority
Date: 2/13/96 1:57:44 AM
From: Archer C1
Posted on: America Online

How many Nightwatch members does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
> That kind of joke is sedition. You’re on report.

How many Psicops does it–
>One. Next Question?Subj: Re: Voices of Authority
Date: 2/14/96 1:02:56 AM
From: RosalindB
Posted on: America Online

“How many Psicops does it–
>One. Next Question?”

I love that. :)

On report? Bah humbug!
RosalindSubj: Re: Voices of Authority
Date: 2/14/96 6:40:07 AM
From: Archer C1
Posted on: America Online

How many vice-presidents does it take to change a light bulb?

None. He gets a cold and leaves before it burns out.Subj: Re: Voices
of Authority
Date: 2/15/96 1:11:35 AM
From: Songokuten
Posted on: America Online

How many first ones does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

…Who needs the first ones? The Vorlons can screw in plenty of
lightbulbs!

 
How many PsiCops does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
We’ll know right after the dissec–Subj: Re: Voices of Authority
Date: 2/15/96 5:14:10 PM
From: Archer C1
Posted on: America Online

How many Nightwatch members does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two…one to change the bulb and the another to report the old one for
disloyalty…Subj: Re: Voices of Authority
Date: 2/16/96 1:24:45 AM
From: Songokuten
Posted on: America Online
How many NightWatch members does it take to screw in a
lightbulb?

 

 

NightWatch does not screw anything! They ‘attach via twisting’!
I’m afraid you’re going to have to come with me; I think I need to
interrogate you to determine your loyalties..Subj: Re: Reindeer
Date: 2/16/96 3:23:40 PM
From: OSO DON
Posted on: America Online

you mean santa is dead??? WHY DOESN’T SOMEBODY TELL ME THESE
THINGS!!!

Subj: Re: Reindeer
Date: 2/18/96 12:01:55 AM
From: Songokuten
Posted on: America Online

Santa has always been here…
(he used to be Minbari…)Subj: Remember….
Date: 2/18/96 12:03:47 AM
From: Songokuten
Posted on: America Online

This may be a little subtle, and newbies probably won’t get it, but …
What ever happened to the old days? Days when Ivanova “was
God,” and everyone
pronounced her name *perfectly* or they had their lungs removed?
Why have
the great old days faded so? I remember when a visit from a Ranger
*meant*
something; we didn’t have that wisecracking rear-kicker living on
the station
and had to make due with freeze-frame scans for ‘Ranger’ in ARTDP
and H/P!
G’Kar wasn’t always crying then: he fought back like everyone else!
The days
of glory, when Captain Smiley Starkiller, and Commander Two-by-
four Ranger
One, were respected by the citizens of the station, have disappeared.
I remember that long-ago era when everyone speculated about what
was in the
encounter suit, who the traitor was, what the third age of mankind
was, and
so one. Back then, seeing a Shadow ship was as rare as a decent
politician,
and the Shadows themselves were only glimpsed as brief,
translucent shapes.
Those ancient days, when the Republic meant nothing, and Londo was
just a
sentimental drunk….

Huh? Oh, well, let’s see.. What I want is….
Subj: Re:my old humor
Date: 2/20/96 11:48:20 PM
From: Deanna947
Posted on: America Online

<<<Kosh says something which makes sense: chug-a-lug>>>

I’m afraid that would only be a good thing if you were planning a trip
to AA.Subj: lightbulbs…
Date: 2/21/96 4:21:01 AM
From: STKohls
Posted on: America Online

with appologies to S. Brust…

How many Vorlons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

 

 

 

 

 

 
Three. One to change the bulb, and one to confuse the issue.Subj:
Re:my old humor
Date: 2/21/96 5:07:30 PM
From: Deanna947
Posted on: America Online

Why’d the vorlon cross the road?

 

 
“It was necessary.”Subj: Re:lightbulbs…
Date: 2/21/96 9:41:38 PM
From: Davidp5045
Posted on: America Online

They need lightbulbs???????

Davidp5045
Subj: 100 Watt Vorlon
Date: 2/22/96 6:09:40 PM
From: Mikabusky
Posted on: America Online

How many Vorlons does it take to change a light bulb?

 

 

 
Unscrew his head to find out how many bulbs you have to replace
first.Subj: Light bulbs
Date: 2/22/96 8:14:39 PM
From: Archer C1
Posted on: America Online

How many Centauri does it take to change a light bulb?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
None. Londo gets his “associates” to do the dirty work.Subj: Re:Light
bulbs
Date: 2/22/96 8:34:44 PM
From: Its a myth
Posted on: America Online

>>How many Centauri does it take to change a light bulb?
None. Londo gets his “associates” to do the dirty work.<<

Except, of course, his “associates” would rather it remain Dark.Subj:
Re:Light bulbs
Date: 2/23/96 12:45:19 AM
From: Songokuten
Posted on: America Online

How many Drazi does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

 

 

 

None, they always get carried away poking the plant in the
corner.Subj: Re:Light bulbs
Date: 2/23/96 3:08:59 AM
From: STKohls
Posted on: America Online
How many Drazi does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

 

 

 

 
Well, it used to take only two, but now it takes seven.Subj: Re:Light
bulbs
Date: 2/23/96 4:49:04 PM
From: BKnight255
Posted on: America Online

How many Humans does it take to replace a lightbulb?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

None. Earthdome has decreed that darkness doesn’t exist.Subj:
Re:Light bulbs
Date: 2/24/96 9:55:15 PM
From: Songokuten
Posted on: America Online

>>How many Drazi does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Well, it used to take only two, but now it takes seven.<<

That was *good*!

That reminds me…

How many Shadows does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

 
Only one, but once that lightbulb is in, you have two Shadows.Subj:
Re:Light bulbs
Date: 2/24/96 9:58:49 PM
From: Songokuten
Posted on: America Online

How many Earthgov officials does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

 

 

 
How should I know? I’ve never seen that lightbulb before, and
neither has Earthgov. If you talk about this, or ever return to mars,
you may be as much a threat as these “lightbulbs” to Earth
security…Subj: Light bulbs…AAARRRGGHHH!!
Date: 2/26/96 6:03:51 AM
From: MacManJWS
Posted on: America Online

Enough!
You may have seen some posts around other areas of this board, so
let me recap them:

THINGS WE MAY NEVER SEE ON BABYLON 5: But then again, who
knows?

Inspirational Media from Earth: “Alexander Nevsky” on the Babylon 5
Bijou
20th Century Flashback Night at the Zocalo: “Der Kommissar” by
After the Fire OR Falco…your choice, either of which draws you 20
years in the Gulag!
ISN CLASSICS WEEK: “V”, “V: The Final Battle”, “V: The Series”, or
(with respect to JMS) “V: The Return”.
Mr. Garibaldi’s Cartoon Fest…or, How Earth Laughs its way through
tragedy! See Bugs Bunny, the Road Runner, etc…

The List can grow with every post! Post your suggestions!

Macker
Subj: Contest proposal
Date: 2/27/96 5:11:09 AM
From: AmberH
Posted on: America Online

In case you didn’t know, jms is keeping the title of the Season 3
finale a deep dark secret for reasons only he knows. If all goes well,
it’ll be a secret until the episode airs. In fact, rumour has it that
this episode is *so* secret that it may never be run on television
because to view it would give away too many surprises in the
seasons to come! :-) So, I propose a contest – Name That Episode! No
prizes, no press, but at least it’ll give us a break from all those
damned lightbulb jokes. :-) Enter as many times as you’d like – we
probably have until next October to find out what the real episode is
called anyway…

My first entry: “An Homage to Blake’s Seven: Everyone’s Gonna Die!”

Subj: Re:Contest proposal
Date: 2/27/96 6:28:21 AM
From: Badinov
Posted on: America Online

>>My first entry: “An Homage to Blake’s Seven: Everyone’s Gonna
Die!”<<
How about “Boom Today!”Subj: Re: Voices of Authority
Date: 2/29/96 2:58:42 AM
From: Skelebot
Posted on: America Online

“simple proposition”? I thought it was simple Prostitution. B)

Skelebot the B5erSubj: Re:Contest proposal
Date: 2/29/96 3:26:15 AM
From: Its a myth
Posted on: America Online

How about “Kosh and Effect”?Subj: Upping the ante
Date: 2/29/96 3:34:34 PM
From: AmberH
Posted on: America Online

In addition to episode titles, you can make up “spoilers” to go with
them. :-)

Another entry from moi (if you’re a Freakazoid fan, this joke will
mean even more!)

“And Fanboy is his name”

The Armies of Light find out the absolutely true we really mean it
this time nature of Kosh and the other Vorlons–
A legion of Fanboys!

Kosh/Fanboy: Stephen FurstSubj: Re:Contest proposal
Date: 3/1/96 2:45:12 AM
From: Songokuten
Posted on: America Online

How about:

“Boom today”

“Babylon 5, requiem en pace” (correct the Latin, please)

“New horisons in Babylon 4″

“The Dawn Arrives” (of the third age)

“Who would have guessed that Anna would come back as a Shadow
Ship?”

“Angels Falling”

“Shadows No More; the New Darkness Is Here”

“Giant Chickens”

“The Wrath Of Babearlon 5″

“Trial Of The Century; J.J. Sheridan”

“Sic Mort Draal” (again, Latin corrections are needed)

“Bester of Friends”

“The Day That Babylon 5 Stood Still”

Babylon 5 Message Center /Humor
Subj: Re: Contest Proposal
Date: 3/1/96 6:10:41 PM
From: AmberH
Posted on: America Online

And speaking of Shadows – since jms *dared* to call an episode
“Shadow Dancing”, I can only assume that this means that Andy Gibb
never died; he just went on to head the Shadow Brigade. In that vein,
here are some other proposed Shadowy titles that could be our
season finale:

Shadow Boxing – Jean-Claude Van Damme stars as yet another one of
Garibaldi’s old buddies bent on winning the Mutai league
championship. Disaster strikes when it turns out he’s really a spy
for President Clarke’s people.

Shadowy Men on a Shadowy Planet – 5 confused and cross dressed
Shadow Agents are found buried deep under the surface of a formerly
undiscovered planet. The former cast of Kids in the Hall star.

Standing in the Shadows of Love (actually, this one might be usable
if the theories re: Anna Sheridan are true) – Delenn and Sheridan
finally declare their undying passion for one another. However,
there’s a catch. She’s already married…to Morden!

(all these episode titles and synopises are intended as speculation
and humour only. They are *not*, repeat *not* meant as story ideas
or proposals. I mean, I wouldn’t want jms to have to call the Kids in
the Hall and say he can’t use them after all that work he’s put into
the script. ๐Ÿ˜€ )Subj: Re:Things We’ll Never See
Date: 3/2/96 7:19:42 AM
From: JVibber
Posted on: America Online

Things we’ll never see on Babylon 5:

Old re-runs of DS9.Subj: Re:Contest proposal
Date: 3/2/96 7:23:21 AM
From: JVibber
Posted on: America Online

Actually, the final episode has a focus on Zack, with a title based on
the works of Harlan Ellison: “I have no brain and I must think.”

(With malice toward none, apologies to everybody, and no
appreciable sense of shame whatever!)Subj: Re:my old humor
Date: 3/2/96 8:51:27 PM
From: Kravettes
Posted on: America Online

yesSubj: Contest Entry
Date: 3/3/96 4:38:26 PM
From: Mikabusky
Posted on: America Online

How ’bout, “Fizzle, Spurt, Pop, Krackle.” After all, that’s about the
only sound you’d hear after the “Boom.”

Or: “Bowling for Vorlons.”

Or: “Sinclair vs. Sheridan – aka ‘I Have A Bone To Pick With You.'”

Tha’s all folks!

Don’t forget to check out all the fabulous sales going on in the Zocalo
this week.

<*> M =)Subj: Re:Contest proposal
Date: 3/4/96 1:28:37 AM
From: Songokuten
Posted on: America Online

>>Actually, the final episode has a focus on Zack, with a title based
on the works of Harlan Ellison: “I have no brain and I must think.”

(With malice toward none, apologies to everybody, and no
appreciable sense of shame whatever!)<<

I’ve heard worse. If you must know, it was: “I have no @$$—- and
I must go very badly.”Subj: Censors in B5
Date: 3/4/96 1:19:11 PM
From: Mikabusky
Posted on: America Online

We now return you to the scene… it is the set of Babylon 5 and the
Standards and Practices person (that’s a censor to you & me) tells
JMS that he must change some of Ivanova’s dialog.

“I’m sorry Mr. Straczynski… You just can’t have Susan say, ‘No Moon
today… but there’s always a Moon tomorrow.’ We cannot allow her to
expose her rear end in C&C.”

This incedent prompted the now famous… “Boom tomorrow.”

Thank you for shopping the Zocalo.

<*> M =)Subj: Alien Univers(iti)es
Date: 3/7/96 3:53:42 PM
From: RuaxKodesh
Posted on: America Online

Centaury Univ: Develop all your attributes

Narn Univ: Opening soon over the body of the last Centauri

JMS U: We have the answers, and you can get them in only five
years!Subj: The Reesen Chocolate Chew
Date: 3/9/96 7:30:40 AM
From: Riv Evol
Posted on: America Online

Greetings Fellow Interstellar Eagle Scouts!
I have chosen you as wothy candidates to join my team of brave and
hardy souls to save the universe from the impending evil of
squadrons of darkness descending upon us. Yes, even as I struggle
now, in the padded confines of my cell, the white gauze of the
Restraint Spell upon me, the Evil Lord Electric Anal Probe
approaches, telling me, I am NOT Wesley Crusher, I am Will Wheaton,
underling and mortal. Noooo! I cry out, I am the child demigod, the
prodigy of the 24th century – I scoff at Data’s positronic posterior
lobe, even though I must feign pleasure at his dottering idiocies and
pathetic attempts to understand human nature. Many a day I saved
the Enterprise, while Data looked on, impotent and flaccid. I, Wesley
Crusher, who saved many a Federation butt, whilst Data and his
chirpy non sequiturs stole the heart of so many nubile lieutenants,
yea, though I watched through my plasmic coupling converter goggles
(fit snugly into the hole I carved into the wall of the adjoining
quarters), the lust that should have been mine to satisfy belonged
instead to a valvilene inflated silicon imitation of my …mental
emminence. And Geordi, always giving me orders, speaking to me in
that condescending “Now put those isolinear chips back where they
belong, Wesley, put them baaaack….” tone of voice. And my MOTHER!
Always nagging me: “Wesley, it’s been fourteen days, please, please
change your underwear!”
I emplore you, scouts, join me, my Lieutenant Fluffy the cuddly harp
seal, and Squeaky, the boiled blood worm, in our quest to restore
peace, order, and polyester to the Universe! Subj: Re:The Reesen
Chocolate Chew
Date: 3/9/96 5:48:27 PM
From: Fan of B5
Posted on: America Online

LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thanks I needed that.

BennySubj: Pinky & the Brain spoof
Date: 3/9/96 11:47:35 PM
From: Songokuten
Posted on: America Online

“Gee, Morden, what are we going to do tonight?”
Morden: “Well, Refa, we’re going to do what we do every night: try to
take
over the universe!”
Refa: “Gee, Narnf, how we gonna do that?”
Morden: “By exposing Kosh for what he really is- A GIANT CHICKEN!”
Refa: “Oh, ok… How?”
Morden: “By tricking Kosh into trying to save Sheridan after we’ve
given him
the sleeper injection. The only problem is how we’re going to give it
to
him… Are you pondering what I’m pondering?”
Refa: “I think so, but how are we going to get Marcus to go out with
a
Grylor in plaid bell bottoms?”
Morden: “No, you nincompoop, we might be able to put a patch with
sleepers
on Kosh’s hand without even having to break open his suit…”
Refa: “Oh, come on Morden; that’s silly. Even I know better than
that!”
Subj: Re:The Reesen Chocolate Chew
Date: 3/11/96 3:26:36 AM
From: NecRon 01
Posted on: America Online

And don’t forget the great Mentos Conspiracy!
Subj: Re:Contest Entry
Date: 3/13/96 12:28:56 AM
From: Talethea
Posted on: America Online

<< Bowling for Vorlons>>

I love it!Subj: Garibaldi
Date: 3/17/96 12:54:20 AM
From: REBinAZ
Posted on: America Online

His humor is sly and so is Ivanova’s , I love catching the zingers
these two let fly!
RoSubj: lightbulb
Date: 3/22/96 7:36:47 PM
From: Moon2river
Posted on: America Online

Drinking game. You can have the whole bottle if…..

1. You ever see Kosh screw in a lightbulb.
2.If they reassemble Talia and bring her back.
3. If Sheridan ever gets any.
4.If Delenn’s bone falls out.
5. If Londos hair falls flat.
6.If Kosh gives Lyta a light hickey.
7.If the doctor doesn’t play with his stems.
8If Garibaldi plays pinta with Bester.
9. If we hear anymore lightbulb jokes.
10.If Delenn can keep her hands off Sheridan.
11.If Ivanova can’t keep her hands off the Ranger.

Subj: Centuri
Date: 3/28/96 1:23:59 AM
From: Quark 121
Posted on: America Online

How many Centuri does it take to build a cruiser?
answers:
1: 100, but in the great old days one Centuri could build three
ships in one swift stroke.
2: What does it matter? They’re too dumb to use it well enough
to destroy anything.
3: None. They can’t build any ships that are decent. Subj:
Mimbari
Date: 4/16/96 4:35:34 PM
From: Archer C1
Posted on: America Online

How many Mimbari does it take to change a lightbulb?

“The problems of others are not our concern….”Subj: Another
Lightbulb joke
Date: 4/17/96 5:14:56 AM
From: RukesRiese
Posted on: America Online

How many shadows does it take to screw a lightbulb?
|
|
|
| /
/

As many as they Mr. Morden want to send.

Ans 2: How can then screw a lightbulb and others races at the same
time?Subj: LightBulbs!!!!!
Date: 4/17/96 5:16:56 AM
From: RukesRiese
Posted on: America Online

Okay, how many vorlons does it take to change a lightbulb?

 

 

 

2: One to screw it in, and the other ti make sure the light bulb
is.Subj: Cross the Road Jokes
Date: 4/17/96 5:36:23 AM
From: RukesRiese
Posted on: America Online

Why did the Narn cross the road?
Because the Road in the book of Shaqu’an symbolized the greatest
sacrifce a Narn could make.

Why did Londo cross the road?
Cause he confused the road with Vir

Why did Kosh cross the road?
Because he always is on the other side.

Why did Minbari cross the road?
Because he wanted to be reborn as a chicken.

Why did Lennier cross the road?
To follow Delenn….too bad he didn’t see that Big Rig coming! : |

Why did Sheridan cross the road?
Because he darn well felt like it!

Why did the Drazi cross the road?
Because he saw purple on the other side

Why did the lurker cross the road?
Do we really want to know?

Why did Pres. Clark cross the road?
He forgot the dynamite for Santiago was on the other side.

That’s it for my cross the road jokes. But I will be back.. and with
MORE!!!!Subj: Babylon 5 CD
Date: 4/19/96 12:57:17 AM
From: Kmegn
Posted on: America Online

Hi all– a gift from a friend in CA… Kay

Third Age Records is proud to present:
>
> “Babylon 5 Presents: The Best of Late 20th Century Rock & Roll”
>
> Yes, your favorite Babylon 5 characters perform hits from the late
> 20th century, including:
>
> “Glory Days” by Bruce Springsteen
> Performed by Lord Refa and Ambassador Mollari
>
> “What do you want (from me)” by Pink Floyd
> Performed by Morden
>
> “Eye in the Sky (I can read your mind)” by Alan Parsons Project
> Performed by Bester
>
> “The Battle of Evermore” by Led Zeppelin
> Performed by Sinclair and the Rangers
>
> “Witch Hunt” by Rush
> Performed by Clark and the Nightwatch
>
> “Living in the Past” by Jethro Tull
> Performed by Londo Mollari.
>
> “Red Sector A” by Rush
> Performed by Na’Toth with the Narn Prison Camp Band
>
> “Stranger in Town” by Toto
> Performed by Sebastian.
>
> “Paint it Black” by the Rolling Stones
> Performed by The Shadows.
>
> “Don’t Come Around Here No More” by Tom Petty and the
Heartbreakers
> Performed by Susan Ivanova (dedicated to Marcus)
>
> “Purple Haze” by Jimmi Hendrix
> Performed by Purple Drazi
>
> “Dust in the Wind” by Kansas
> Performed by Bester with the Psi-Corps Symphony Orchestra
>
> “Higher Love” by Steve Winwood
> Performed by Lennier
>
> “You Ain’t Seen Nothin’ Yet” by Bachman Turner Overdrive
> Performed by J. Michael Straczynski
>
> …And much, much more.
>
> Act now and you will also receive these bonus CDs:
>
> “Delenn and Lennier sing the Best of Collective Soul”
>
> Emerson, Lake and Palmer’s “Brain Salad Surgery”
> Performed by Talia Winters
> and the Psi-Corps Symphony Orchestra.
>
> And Kosh performing a selection from his favorite group, ‘Yes’
>
> Remember, “B5 Presents The Best of Late 20th Century Rock &
Roll” is
> available only by this special InterWeb offer and not available in
any
> store. To order, call 1-800-555-BOOM and have your credit chit
ready.
> Operators are standing by. Or send 39 credits plus 5 credits
shipping
> and handling to:
>
> B5 Presents…
> C/O Third Age Records
> Grey 17
> Babylon 5, Grid Epsilon
>
> Please allow 6 to 8 weeks for delivery. Please allow extra shipping
time
> if your planet has suffered a recent planetary bombardment, is
currently
> under Centauri occupation, or under martial law.
> ————————————————————
———-
> Does anyone have any suggestions for B5 Presents: Volume 2? I
promised
> the Green Drazi that I would give them a cut on Volume 2 if a
suitable
> ‘Green’ song could be found.
>
> —
> +———————————————————–
———–+
> | Jim Dawson – jdawson@midamer.net (formerly
jdawson@intrnet.net) |
> +———————————————————–
———–+
> | “Only one human captain has survived battle with a Minbari fleet.
|
> | He is behind me, you are in front of me. If you value your lives, |
> | be somewhere else.” – Ambassador Delenn |
> +———————————————————–
———–+Subj: Re:Babylon 5 CD
Date: 4/19/96 6:34:26 PM
From: Otokodate
Posted on: America Online

For the Green Drazi, how about the theme song from Soylent
Green?Subj: Re:Babylon 5 CD
Date: 4/19/96 9:19:15 PM
From: ALHANA99
Posted on: America Online

hmm about the green drazi song.. isn’t there a song entitled “It isn’t
easy being Green?” – I think it was done by Kermit.

(Her very first post on the B5 Message Center!)
alhanaSubj: Re:Babylon 5 CD
Date: 4/20/96 1:43:10 AM
From: RosalindB
Posted on: America Online

My dream songs on a B5 soundtrack:
“The House that Jack Built” by Aretha Franklin (Comes the
Inquisitor)
“Written All Over Your Face” by Levert/Rude Boys (Ceremonies of
Light & Dark)
RosalindBSubj: B5 Baseball
Date: 4/25/96 2:24:52 AM
From: DXMachina
Posted on: America Online

President Clark has declared that with the imposition of martial law
and misguided rebellion of the outer colonies, the Earth Alliance
needs baseball more than ever. Here’s a preview of the Alliance
League for the season of 2260.

The Asteroid Dodgers went out of the system in their search for
talent, and signed several free agents from the Narn league.

The Barsoom Burros expect team MVP John Carter to have a big year.

The Syria Planum Teeps start the season on probation after last
season’s sign-stealing scandal.

The Olympus Monsoons look to be absolutely fabulous this year.

The Ares Rams used to be a football team until their owner saw that
she could make more money with the team playing baseball on Mars
than playing football in St. Louis (or was it LA? or Cleveland? or…).

The Io Ewes have the highest payroll and smallest stadium in the
league.

Due to the heightening tensions, the scheduled exhibition games with
the Minbar Rangers and the Vorlon Angels were canceled. Not
everybody was disappointed by the news. One manager said, “No one
wanted to play the Vorlons because it’s too hard to see the ball
coming off the bat, and the Minbari don’t even wear helmets.”

Subj: Missing Scene from Avalon…
Date: 4/25/96 4:45:16 PM
From: Archer C1
Posted on: America Online

“I am Arthur, King of the Britons!”

“Who are the Britons?”

“We are all Britons. And I am your king.”

“Didn’t know we ‘ad a king. I thought we were an autonomous
collective.”

Stop me before I Python-reference again!!!Subj: Babylon 5 CD
Date: 4/25/96 10:42:04 PM
From: Talethea
Posted on: America Online

That was just too funny! I’m still laughing. Brilliant!Subj:
Re:Babylon 5 CD
Date: 4/26/96 10:52:53 PM
From: Archer C1
Posted on: America Online

You missed my personal favorite:

Tom Petty’s “Night Watchman” performed by Zack Allen and the
BrownshirtsSubj: Re:Babylon 5 CD
Date: 4/27/96 3:04:59 AM
From: RosalindB
Posted on: America Online

I’ve got more..
“Free Fallin'” by Tom Petty
“Now That We Found Love (what are we gonna do…)” HeavyD and the
Boys
Rosalind

Subj: Army of Light’s new slogan
Date: 4/27/96 3:09:23 AM
From: AmberH
Posted on: America Online

We are the Army of Light. Amongst our chief weapons are fear,
surprise, an almost fanatical devotion to Delenn and…nice black
uniforms.

(I’ve been dying to say this ever since I saw the new uniforms gif so
many weeks ago!)Subj: Re:Babylon 5 CD
Date: 4/28/96 1:45:47 AM
From: AnnaAsher
Posted on: America Online

oh, that’s GOOD………LOL!!!Subj: Python references
Date: 4/28/96 1:17:25 PM
From: Fan of B5
Posted on: America Online

Possible spoiler for Late Delivery..
.
.
.
.
..
.
Whenever “Arthur” first appeared on the station and annouced who he
thought he was, I could help but think of the line from the movie
where the peasant goes “You’re a loony!”. :-)

Also, with Arthur appearing on the station, does this mean that
Sheridan will soon find the Holy Hand Gernade?

“Oh Lord, bless this, thy holy hand grenade, that with it, thou mayest
blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thine mercy”Subj: Re:Babylon 5
CD
Date: 4/30/96 9:55:24 AM
From: Mythchief
Posted on: America Online

Here’s another suggestion for volume 2:

Londo and/or Delenn singing the theme from the musical “Hair”

“Hair, hair, long beautiful hair..”Subj: Re:Babylon 5 CD
Date: 4/30/96 11:16:55 PM
From: Its a myth
Posted on: America Online

Delenn and Sheridan: “Kiss the Girl” from The Little Mermaid.Subj:
Dedications
Date: 5/1/96 10:55:46 PM
From: Talethea
Posted on: America Online
Song: “Call Me” by Chris Montez
To: Delenn & Sheridan
From: Draal

Song: “When the One You Love’s In Love With Someone Else” by
Rod Stewart
To: Delenn
From: Lennier

Song: “If You Could Read My Mind”
To: Talia
From: Susan
Subj: B5 poetry as it should be
Date: 5/2/96 9:25:34 PM
From: WardMcDuck
Posted on: America Online

Mr. Chekov is to Bester
what Willie Tyler is to Lester.

G’karr wants to treat the head of Londo
as Tito Puente would treat a bongo.

King Arthur did for Michael York
what “the other white meat” did for pork.

So ends the reading.

p.s. I cannot believe there is actually a B5 poetry board.
So
Subj: TV Show Previews
Date: 5/4/96 5:42:54 AM
From: JVibber
Posted on: America Online

“Babylon 5.1″
A new release of the space station threatens to tie up all Internet
connections to Ivanova’s Lonely Hearts web page. Sheridan begins to
wonder why Delenn keeps losing weight, despite their frequent
dinners together in his apartment, and tries to contact Dr. Franklin
for advice, but can’t remember his URL. Londo finally debugs his
quarters.
Subj: Re:TV Show Previews
Date: 5/5/96 10:14:48 PM
From: RosalindB
Posted on: America Online

LOL!!
I loved that one!
RosalindSubj: More Pythonian influences
Date: 5/6/96 9:45:39 PM
From: AmberH
Posted on: America Online

(post A Late Delivery from Avalon)

“We’re Narns of the Round Table
We dance whenever we’re able
we do routines and can act out scenes
of Earth President Clark ably…”Subj: Re:More Pythonian influences
Date: 5/6/96 10:10:02 PM
From: Talethea
Posted on: America Online

You are one sick puppy. I love it!Subj: Satire of ALDFA
Date: 5/6/96 10:44:39 PM
From: Songokuten
Posted on: America Online

As you know, I am able to receive future episodes from my illegal
ISN
hookup sometimes. I always try to write as much as I can about
such upcoming
episodes so that everyone can enjoy the advantages of illegal video
piracy
๐Ÿ˜‰
You may remember my past reviews for still-not-yet-aired-
episodes (such as
“Voices In The Shadow Of Messages Without End: Sic Transit Rock, No
Hiding
Ceremonies Of Light And Dust” [or VITSOMWE:STR,NHCOLAD for
short]). True to
that die-hard journalistic approach of my writing, I will be
discussing a few
more episodes today.
First: A transcription of certain scenes from “A Temporally
Inefficient
Arrival From Asguard” as part of an exhaustive glance at an
upcoming “filler”
episode.
In the teaser, a strange man with a sword shows up on B5, and
begins to
overstay his welcome. The man calls himself “Robin”…

Robin: “I don’t have to take this from you! I fought in the
Crusades!”
Security Guard: “O.K. pal, just put down the knife, and we’ll talk
this
over… Just don’t freak out.”
Robin: “Freak out? Do I sound crazy to you? ….Just wait until my
merry
men arrive; *then* you’ll be sorry!”
Guard: “I’m sure I will. Now could you please just be a dear, and
put
down the blade and come with me?”
Robin: “Deer… the King’s DEER!! The deer are on FIRE!!! THE DEER!”
Guard (into his link): “Little help, please?”
Londo (who happens to be waiting for the Narn to clear his name
through
customs): “Mr. Robin, why don’t we have a drink together?”
Robin: “I can’t drink unless Friar Tuck blesses the wine first. It’s
just
a tradition.”
Guard: “Well, we could call Brother Theo if you–”
Londo: “Ah, tradition. I can tell you about tradition! The Centauri
have
too many traditions to count…”

[edited for space] Londo is eventually given the title of Will Purple
(scarlet isn’t his color). Now, in the third act, the characters have
gathered around Robin to break the news of who he actually is: Rocky
Lewis,
descendant of Jerry Lewis and janitor on the EAS Prometheus.
Marcus warns
that the trauma might be too much for him as well as for Rocky…

Rocky: “I’ve never seen this man in my life! And I’ve never met his
wife
either!”
Franklin: “We never asked if you had… This IS you. You must
remember
some of your time aboard Prometheus!”
Rocky: “Was that the greek guy’s name?… I swear I don’t know
anything
about it!”
Marcus: “Well, maybe I can jog your memory… Tell us, or in five
minutes, only one of us will be standing, and it won’t be you.”
(Marcus
brandishes a bowie knife given to him by Walker, the Texas Ranger.)
Ivanova gives Marcus a threatening look, and the British Ranger
turns white
and faints…: “Can you tell us anything? What was the color of the
Minbari
ship you found? Who was her captain? What happened to the
Prometheus??”
Rocky: “I don’t remember.”
Sheridan: “The hell you don’t! We are not letting you go until you
tell
us why you came here! It may take days, but you *will* tell us!
We’ll keep
you here the next week, the next month, the next *year*, the next
FIVE
HUNDRED YEARS!–”
Ivanova: “Captain, calm down… Sshhh, it’s all right…”
Rocky: “All this on a concealed-weapon charge?”
Garibaldi: “Oh, we know all about your concealed weapons scam, Mr.
Lewis!
Just give me one good reason, and I’ll tear yo–”
Ivanova: “Whoa there! Maybe you and the captain should go wait
outside
for a minute or two… Now, Rocky, could you please try to remember
something?”

[A flashback begins] There are many images from the E-M war
flashing on
the screen, and dozens of StarFuries explode. Colors swirl past a
knight in
thick armor. He watches as the corridor becomes a giant maw, ready
to devour
him alive…

(To be continued)Subj: Satire continued
Date: 5/6/96 10:45:31 PM
From: Songokuten
Posted on: America Online
[A flashback begins] There are many images from the E-M war
flashing on
the screen, and dozens of StarFuries explode. Colors swirl past a
knight in
thick armor. He watches as the corridor becomes a giant maw, ready
to devour
him alive…

Rocky: “I don’t know what you’re talking about…”
Franklin: “AAAAIIIIEEEEE!!! Get them off me! Get them out of my
head!!”
Ivanova: “Are you all right, doctor?”
Franklin: “Oh, yeah… I just had this terrible flashback! I think I
need another stim….”
Rocky: “….. And you say I’ve got problems…. Oh, wait. Something’s
coming to me…”
Ivanova: “Good! Now we’re getting somewhere!”
Rocky (beginning to flash back): “No! I’m not a bum! …It’s not a
machine… No! I don’t want to remember! The carnage, the TERROR!”

[Rocky’s flashback begins] It is the morning after initiation of the
Captain on Prometheus; the halls are a mess; the crew is drunk; and
Janitor
Lewis has to clean it up…

Rocky: “NOOOOOooooo!!! THE HORROR TERRIBLE PLEASE STOP
REMEMBERING ME
FROM, NICE LADY WITH THE FUNNY NAME, PLEASE!”
Ivanova: “Funny name? ….That’s it!” WHAMMM!!!!!
Rocky (walleyed and half-KOed): “I’m Robin, I don’t know what
you’re
taking about, good lady.”
Ivanova: “Remember this!” SMACK!
Rocky: “Do that again, wench, and I’ll have your head, by Crom!”
POW!
Rocky: “My name is Duncan MacLeod, and I’m an Immortal…”
Ivanova: “Not for long if you don’t start making sense real soon!”
WHACK!
Rocky: “By the power of Greyskull..”
CRACK!
Ivanova: “Darn it, don’t you remember the ship full of people that
died
during your shift? The Minbari massacre against your friends?”
Rocky: “Please… stop! I can’t take any more of this torture! I
am the captain of a ship with five hundred people on board. The
crew
is dyng, the bridge is smashed! And Khan is getting awa–”
SMASH!!
Ivanova: “Shut up! Anything but that! No more cheesy acting! And
“Spock” is not a two-syllable word!”
Rocky: “Oh, thank you. I’m better now… Really. Now if you could
just
call a medic…”
Ivanova: “Sure… FRANKLIN, GET IN HERE! …he’ll be right over.”
Franklin (giggling and giddy): “Ooh, look at that fracture! heheheee
That’s going to require surgery! heeheeheheeehehehee”
Rocky: “Oh God…”
Ivanova: “Huh?”

Well, that’s it.

The ads for the one after this, Boat Of Secretions, look pretty
interesting.
Bester is interrogated by the NightWatch (“Are you now, or have you
ever
been, a resident of Mars?”) and Kosh is discovered to be a deadbeat
dad who
abandoned his kids (Powder, Coccoon, Abyss, Archangel, Icarus…). I
guess
he hasn’t ‘always been there’ for them.
The FBI settles for a large cash settlement which Kosh cancelled
his life
ensurance and the Rangers’ funds and his baseball team project
(Vorlons in
the Outfeild) to give them.

Subj: Re:Satire
Date: 5/7/96 4:35:22 AM
From: JVibber
Posted on: America Online

LOL, ROTFLOL!!! Etc., etc.! Ha.

I loved it!
Subj: Final Episode Title
Date: 5/7/96 4:41:19 AM
From: JVibber
Posted on: America Online

At last it can be told. Since the final episode of Season 3 probably
won’t air until September anyway, it will certainly be out in
spoilers long before anybody sees it, especially in Great Britain! The
final episode is called “PTEN is Za’ha’Dum,” and recounts the story
of how Ivanova, in scrutinizing the records of the Icarus, discovers
that none of those aboard were actually archaeologists at all, but
were in fact TV executives! They had all signed aboard the Icarus in
an effort to travel to Za’ha’Dum and offer their services to the
Shadows. It took some convincing, a few million in payola, and a
promise of the missing footage from the Ivanova/Talia scene in
“Divided Loyalties”, but they finally got the Shadows to let them
join. Now they are free to expand across the galaxy, delaying every
good thing that might come from any alien race until a much later
time. Perhaps it will be … TOO LATE?!?!Subj: Re:Final Episode Title
Date: 5/8/96 12:41:49 AM
From: Songokuten
Posted on: America Online

And with the everyone’s favorite programs delayed unfairly,
tempers rise and war breaks out. After a year of war depletes the
armies of the universe to almost zip, the PTEN associates will play
new episodes to distract the other races, then invade. We’re
doomed!Subj: Re:More Pythonian influences
Date: 5/8/96 2:48:11 AM
From: BretFein
Posted on: America Online

Not bad – I can actually picture that scene. As long as we’re talking
Python, here’s a rewrite for you – finished it a few weeks ago.
Inspired by scenes from “Messages From Earth” Sorry if it’s a little
long.

The Dead Shadow

An Archaeologist is piloting a space ship, towing a Shadow ship. He
docks with another ship and enters. Morden is at the controls.

Archaeologist: ‘Ello, I wish to register a complaint.
M: We’re closin’ for lunch.
A: Never mind that, my lad. I wish to complain about this Shadow
what I dug up not half an hour ago at the Syria Planum site you
pointed me to. Come ‘vae a look at it.

(Morden follows him into the ship. Looks out a viewport at the
Shadow.)

M: Oh yes, the, uh, the Z’ha’dum Black…What’s,uh…What’s wrong with
it?
A: I’ll tell you what’s wrong with it, my lad. ‘E’s dead, that’s what’s
wrong with it!
M: No, no, ‘e’s uh,…he’s resting.
A: Look, matey, I know a dead Shadow when I see one, and I’m looking
at one right now.
M: No no he’s not dead, he’s, he’s restin’! Remarkable creature, the
Z’ha’dum Black, idn’it, ay? Beautiful spines!
A: The spines don’t enter into it. It’s stone dead.
M: Nononono, no, no! ‘E’s resting!
A: All right then, if he’s restin’, I’ll wake him up!
(shouting into a comlink)
‘Ello, Mister Evil Shadow! I’ve got a lovely fresh Narn for you if you
show…
(Morden taps the grapple controls)
M: There, he moved!
A: No, he didn’t, that was you tapping the controls!
M: I never!!
A: Yes, you did!
M: I never, never did anything…
A: (yelling and tapping the grapple controls repeatedly) ‘ELLO
SHADY!!!!! Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your nine
o’clock alarm call!
( Uses grapples to thump Shadow on a passing small asteroid.
Releases it and watches it plummet towards the asteroid. Picks it
up again)
A: Now that’s what I call a dead Shadow.
M: No, no….. No, ‘e’s stunned!
A: STUNNED?!?
M: Yeah! You stunned him, just as he was wakin’ up! Z’ha’dum Blacks
stun easily, major.
A: Um…now look…now look, mate, I’ve definitely ‘ad enough of this.
That Shadow is definitely deceased, and when I dug it up not ‘alf an
hour ago, you assured me that its total lack of movement was due to
it bein’ tired and shagged out following a prolonged shriek attack.
M: Well, he’s… he’s, ah… probably pining for Z’ha’dum.
A: ‘PININ’ for the Z’HA’DUM?!?!?!?’ ‘PININ’ for the Z’HA’DUM?!?!?!?’
What kind of talk is that?, look, why did he fall flat on his back the
moment I got ‘im home?
M: The Z’ha’dum Black prefers keepin’ on it’s back! Remarkable
creature, id’nit, squire? Lovely spines!
A: Look, I took the liberty of examining that Shadow, and I
discovered the only reason that it had been sitting up in that hole in
the first place was that it had been NAILED there.
(pause)
M: Well, o’course it was nailed there! If I hadn’t nailed that thing
down, it would have nuzzled up to the surface, dug its way out with
its spines, and VOOM!
A: “VOOM”?!? Mate, this Shadow wouldn’t “voom” if you put four
million volts through it! ‘E’s bleedin’ demised!
M: No no! ‘E’s pining!
A: ‘E’s not pinin’! ‘E’s passed on! This Shadow is no more! He has
ceased to be! ‘E’s expired and gone to meet ‘is maker! ‘E’s a stiff!
Bereft of life, ‘e rests in peace! If you hadn’t nailed ‘im to the
ground ‘e’d be pushing up the daisies! ‘Is metabolic processes are
now ‘istory! ‘E’s off the twig! ‘E’s kicked the bucket, ‘e’s shuffled off
‘is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin’ choir
invisibile!! THIS IS AN EX-Shadow!!
(pause)
M: Well, I’d better replace it, then.
(he takes a quick peek behind the counter)
M: Sorry squire, I’ve had a look ’round the back of the shop, and uh,
we’re right out of Shadows.
A: I see. I see, I get the picture.
M: <pause> I got a slug.
(pause)
A: (sweet as sugar) Pray, does it kill?
M: Nnnnot really.
A: WELL IT’S HARDLY A BLOODY REPLACEMENT, IS IT?!!???!!?
M: Well! I never wanted to be a Shadow flunky in the first place.
I wanted to be…

A LUMBERJACK!Subj: Clark’s New Advisors
Date: 5/8/96 3:00:19 AM
From: BretFein
Posted on: America Online

A scene cut from “Chrysalis”

Sinclair & co. are watching the news in the aftermath of
Santiago’s death.

ISN: …And after returning to Earth, President Clark quickly began
selecting his advisors.

Sinc: I can’t believe they didn’t believe my report on the
assassination.

Ivan: Well, he’s picking some new advisors – maybe they’ll do
something about it.

Sinc: I hope Clark can find a good way to handle the problems back
home.

Ivan: I’m sure he will. (looking at screen) Then again, maybe not.

(Sinclair looks at new advisors on screen: Rush Limbaugh, Dan &
Marilyn Quayle, Pat Robertson, Pat Buchanan, G Gordon Liddy, Jerry
Falwell, Oliver North, Newt Gingrich, Ralph Reed, Phil Gramm and
Lyndon LaRouche)

Sinc: Uh-oh.Subj: Re:More Pythonian influences
Date: 5/8/96 6:21:17 AM
From: Minbari1
Posted on: America Online

BretFein… I was laughing SOO hard I started to cry! Byoo-i-ful!
Absolutely brilliant mate!

All I could think of when Arthur passed the Lurkers… “King of the
who? Well I didn’t vote for you. Dennis, there’s some lovely filth
over ‘ere.”

How ’bout… “I have travelled the land on my horse…”
“Your horse? You were banging coconuts together.”

How about Bester as the French Taunter… “If you bring your Shadow
ship any closer I will fart in your general direction. Now go away, or
I shall taunt you a second time.”Subj: Re:More Pythonian influences
Date: 5/8/96 4:48:47 PM
From: Archer C1
Posted on: America Online

New recruit: “Well, are there units of EarthForce that are more
feminine than others?”
Sgt: “Well, aside from the President’s Elite Guard, they’re all dead
butch.”Subj: Re:More Pythonian influences
Date: 5/8/96 5:20:33 PM
From: Archer C1
Posted on: America Online

Sheridan to Kosh: “On second thought, I’m not going to Za’ha’dum. It’s
a silly place.”Subj: Re:Satire
Date: 5/8/96 7:12:07 PM
From: Its a myth
Posted on: America Online

Oh, Songo! You’ve done it again! Subj: Re: More Pythonic Influences
Date: 5/8/96 11:40:45 PM
From: Talethea
Posted on: America Online

Franklin: How’d you become king, then?

Arthur: The Lady of the Lake, her arm clad in the purest shimmering
samite held aloft Excalibur from bosom of the water, signifying by
divine right that I, Arthur was to carry Excalibur. That is why I’m
your king!

Franklin: Listen, strange Minbari lying in ponds, distributing swords
is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power
derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farciful
Minbari ceremony. I mean, if I went ’round saying I was a king just
’cause some moistened Narn had lobbed a simitar at me, they’d lock
me away!Subj: Re:Satire
Date: 5/9/96 3:41:07 AM
From: Songokuten
Posted on: America Online

Thanks! I’ll put another one out soon.Subj: Re: Babylon 5 CD
Date: 5/9/96 4:16:00 AM
From: Auraleia A
Posted on: America Online

Here’s another song for the album….
“Shadows on your side” (Duran Duran) sung by Refa and the Centauri
AuraSubj: Re: Babylon 5 CD
Date: 5/9/96 4:39:11 PM
From: Archer C1
Posted on: America Online

“Spiderweb” (Joan Osborne) sung by Talia Winters and the Sleepers

“Bad To The Bone” (George Thoroughgood) sung by Neroon and the
Warrior Caste

“Inside Of Me” (Little Steven) sung by the Shadows

“Feel Like A Number” (Bob Seger) and “Wake Me Up Before I Go-Go”
(Wham) sung by Carolyn and the Blips.Subj: Re:Why?
Date: 5/11/96 3:48:31 AM
From: MORTONROB
Posted on: America Online

Why don’t they put Dellenn in the Miss Universe Pagent?Subj: Re:
Babylon 5 CD
Date: 5/11/96 7:09:40 AM
From: JVibber
Posted on: America Online

“Undercover Angel” sung by Kosh and the Vorlons.
Subj: Re: Babylon 5 CD
Date: 5/11/96 3:03:25 PM
From: Archer C1
Posted on: America Online

“Dead Man’s Party” (Oingo Boingo) sung by Lord Refa.Subj: Re: Babylon
5 CD
Date: 5/11/96 4:24:26 PM
From: BretFein
Posted on: America Online

“2,000 Light Years From Home” (Rolling Stones) by just about
everyone.Subj: Re: Babylon 5 CD
Date: 5/11/96 4:38:03 PM
From: BretFein
Posted on: America Online

“Mother’s Little Helper” (Rolling Stones) and “Hits From The Bong” –
played in Dr. Franklin’s MedLab office.

“Everbody Wants to Rule The World” (Tears for Fears) – sung
occassionally by Bester, whistled constantly by Pres. Clark, and used
as elevator music in Shadow ships.

“Shadow Dancing” (Andy Gibb) – Morden’s constant request at the
clubs on Earth.

“Hole In My Life” (The Police) – sung by Sinclair until the 2nd season.

“Every Breath You Take” (The Police) – Heard in the Ministry of Peace
& NightWatch waiting rooms.

“Changes” (David Bowie) – Delenn, Mollari, G’Kar, Vir… hell, just
about everyone.Subj: B5 Satire
Date: 5/12/96 4:47:40 PM
From: BretFein
Posted on: America Online

A few things I’ve been working on, apart from the B5/Monty Python
stuff. Not the absolutely most hilarious stuff in the world, but oh
well.
*****

The Gathering
The Jabbering (aka “Kosh Arrives”)

Takashima reports in to Cdr. Sinclair.
Taka: Hello, Commander. I’m Laurel Takashima, your traitorous spy –
I mean, your second in command.
Sinc: Welcome, Lcdr. Hope you enjoy your stay.
Taka: Oh, I’m sure I will. Strange, new aliens, Ambassadors,
Shadows, sabotage & framing you… it’ll be fun.
Sinc: What was that last one? I missed it.
Taka: Oh, nothing, commander. Be seeing you. (Exits)

Kosh arrives. Fake Sinclair greets him.
Sinc: Ambassador Kosh – prepare to die – I mean, welcome to
BabbleOn 5.
Kosh: >buzz< >whir< >click< I have always been here.
Sinc: Yeah, after a while, it feels like that. Well, this way. Care for a
drink?
Kosh: >clang< >bonk< >meow< Yes.
(Kosh takes drink – sips from straw. Falls down.)
Kosh: >rat-tat-tat< >ring< >whinny< I have fallen and I can’t get up.
(Drops unconscious. Sinclair runs off)

Lyta scans Kosh.
Taka: So, what do you see? Sinclair? (drooling)
Lyta: Yes. But his eyes look wrong…
Taka: Well, maybe he wore contacts.
Lyta: …and his hair’s longer and blonde…
Taka: Maybe it’s Maybelline.
Lyta: …and there’s a Minbari bone sticking out of it.
Taka: Optical illusion. Well, good enough for me. Lets ship him off to
the Vorlons for his execution and trial. Now where’s the change of
command paperwork?

Sinclair has caught the Minbari who disguised himself as Sinclair.
Spy is dying. He tries to speak.
Min: There is a hole… in your mind.
(Sinclair kneels to hear better. As he does, the seat of his pants
rips.)
Sinc: What?
Min: There is a hole… in your pants. Hahaha… aack. (dies)
*********

Midnight on the Firing Line
Midnight on Prime Time
Talia reports in
Wint: Hi, I’m Talia Winters, your traitorous unconsciously implanted
PsiCorps spy… Um, that is, I mean I’m your licensed commercial
telepath and no danger to anyone, so share all your secrets with me.
Sinc: Well, that’s good to know. Welcome aboard.

Talia meets Ivanova.
Wint: Hi, I’m your new spy – errr, make that commercial telepath.
Ivan: Yeah, I know. I don’t like telepaths, so leave before I shoot you.
Wint: (concentrating) Are you sure? I think you’d much rather have
sex, and discuss classified stuff in bed afterwards.
Ivan: Well, okay, but later. I still don’t like telepaths.
Wint: Why not?
Ivan: My mom was one, and I’m one… umm… ignore that last part.
Wint: (jotting in notebook) Okay.
Ivan: See, telepaths get three choices: join PsiCorps, take pills, or be
locked in a room watching videos of Howard Cosell. Mom chose the
pills, but they discovered that she had been spitting them out after
taking them, so they made her watch the videos. After two days, she
killed herself.
Wint: That’s terrible! Two whole days…. (shudders).
Ivan: She got lucky. A few years ago, it was the OJ Simpson trial,
over and over again.
Wint: Well, at least you got that off your chest. Speaking of your
chest… are you sure you don’t want a roll in the hay now? We can
wait a few days on the top secret discussions – after all, this would
just be our first date.
Ivan: Love to, but can’t right now. I’ll keep it in mind, though. Maybe
when it affects the plot more dramatically.

Walking down the hall.
Sinc: Have you voted yet?
Gari: Ooops – thanks for reminding me – gotta go. Then it’s a long
night of my second favorite thing in the universe, if I can find
someone to join me…

<<<Continued Next Post>>>
Subj: B5 Parody
Date: 5/12/96 4:50:25 PM
From: BretFein
Posted on: America Online

Midnight on Prime Time Pt II

Sinclair watching TV.
TV: …and with 75% of the votes tallied, Pres. Santiago is the winner.
Santiago has said that he’s going to work to end poverty, war, race
hatred, improve the standard of living, improve education, and make
the world a nicer, better place. Oddsmakers in Las Vegas estimate
the chances of success at about 95%, and his chances of lasting the
full five-year term 99%. The Vice President, PsiCorps, and a few
shadowy senators estimate the chances of success at 10%, and his
chances of lasting the full five years at 10%, with a 10% margin of
error.

Garibaldi watching TV with Delenn.
Gari: This stuff is great – its my second favorite thing in the
universe. Trust me, you’re gonna love it.
Del: What is it?
Gari: It’s an old 20th century sci-fi comedy. I discovered it years
ago, at a historical library. It was there among the other great sci-fi
comedies – Quark, Space: 1999, Earth 2, Space Rangers… but this was
rated as being the funniest.
Del: Why?
Gari: Partially because of the terribly cheesy dialogue, part the
ridiculous plotlines, part the acting. The best part was, they played
it like a serious tv show – it was a comedy masquerading as a drama.
Really ahead of its time.
Del: It sounds good.
Gari: I think you’ll enjoy it. Well, the tape’s rewound…
Del: Tape?
Gari: Yeah, tape. Videotape. They stored stuff magnetically back
then, on reels of tape with iron oxide as the medium.
Del: Would it not have been transferred to a data crystal?
Gari: Yeah, but I like it this way. Keeps the feel of being in the
primitive world. Well, here goes. (Hits play button)
Del: All I see is a ship with people on it. Nothing funny is happening
yet.
Gari: Wait – they’re building up to it. This is my favorite episode.
Whooop – hey, here it comes. (Close in on TV screen – shows a
spaceship viewscreen, with a 1930’s truck floating in space.)
Hahahaha! Isn’t that a riot?
Del: (laughing) Oh, Valen… that’s the funniest thing I’ve ever seen!
Hahaha!
Gari: Ha ha – I told you this stuff was good!
Del: What’s this show called, anyway?
Gari: The name’s coming up – oh, man this is great stuff! Ha ha ha!
(Close in on TV screen – the name of the show appears: Star Trek:
Voyager)
Del: Voyager! Interesting name. What is the “Star Trek” part?
Gari: Well, apparently there was this TV series in the late 1960’s
called Star Trek. I’ve seen it, it was okay. It was really popular back
then. After it was cancelled, they made a cartoon series to continue
it, and then some pretty good movies. Then they made a spinoff.
Del: ‘Spinoff’? What’s that?
Gari: A continuation, of a sort. They make ’em when enough people
like the show, and the studio knows they can make loads of money
off a cheap imitation. So, anyway, the spinoff was called ST: The
Next Generation.
Del: And that one was as good as the original?
Gari: Not for the first two years. If it hadn’t been a Star Trek
spinoff, it would have been canceled after ten shows, but Star Trek
had a lot of fans, who were willing to watch anything with the
words Star Trek in the title. Fortunately, it got better.

<<<Continued>>>
Subj: B5 Parody
Date: 5/12/96 4:52:51 PM
From: BretFein
Posted on: America Online

Midnight on Prime Time Pt III

Garibaldi talking about Trek
Gari: They decided to start making movies out of it, so they ended
the show. Before that, they set up another spinoff, called Star Trek:
Deep Space Nine.
Del: What was that about?
Gari: It was about a space station in neutral territory, with a kind of
wooden actor playing the Commander. They find a wormhole leading
to another part of the galaxy…
Del: A wormhole?
Gari: Yeah… you know what a jump point looks like? It looked kind of
like that. Now, at first, it was just ordinary stories, telling more
about the crew, the visitors there, and so forth. Then, they
discovered an unknown alien race that could turn invisible, had very
powerful ships and weapons, and wanted to take over the galaxy.
They worked on doing this by secretly manipulating the aliens to
fight against each other. To prepare to fight against these aliens,
they brought a powerful warship to the station, a new type of ship,
which the crew would use. Pretty wild, huh? Nothing like that could
ever happen here.
Del: (Rubs forehead) Yes… wild.
Gari: Say – is that a triangle in your forehead, or are you just
pleased to see me?
Del: (Still rubbing) Ummm… just a birthmark. Ignore it.
Gari: Okay. So, anyway, they decided to make a spinoff from that,
involving another space ship. That’s where they got Voyager.
Del: I see. Were all the episodes of that show funny?
Gari: Very funny. There was this one where the ship was
malfunctioning, and the problem turned out to be – get this – cheese!
Del: No! (chuckles)
Gari: Yeah, cheese! That was the best punchline the show had had,
until this episode came along. Cheese – ha ha ha! I about fell out of
my chair the first time I saw it.
Del: So you said this one’s your favorite?
Gari: That’s right – they took their best material for unbelievable
coincidences, cheesy dialogue, and bizarre plotlines, and threw it
into this one. I’m telling you, its a masterpiece. Whoops – credits’re
over. Have some popcorn – you’re gonna love this.
(Later – after the show’s over. Credits are rolling. Delenn &
Garibaldi are laughing so hard, they have tears in their eyes)
Del: Ha ha – that was hilarious! Ha ha!
Gari: Ha – told you so! Chuckle, laugh.
Del: I just couldn’t stop laughing! First, they bring in the truck, and
one of the stars happens to know how it works. Early 20th century
truck, and this is supposed to be the late 24th. Ridiculous!
Gari: That’s what made it so good!
Del: And after being in space for centuries the truck starts up on the
first try. No damage to any of its parts from the absolute zero
temperatures, or the total vacuum… can you believe it? And they
pick up a radio signal from a planet lightyears away on its dinky
little AM radio! Unbelievable! How could they keep a straight face in
that scene?
Gari: Well, they’re actors. My favorite part is where they go to the
planet, and find Amelia Earhart!
Del: A 20th century female pilot! 70,000 light years from Earth! Ha
ha!
Gari: I’ll let you know when I get another copy of it – its great!
Del: I wouldn’t miss it.
******Subj: B5 Parody
Date: 5/12/96 5:00:32 PM
From: BretFein
Posted on: America Online

What the hell – one more.
***
Deathwalker
Death Researcher
Alien woman with cat eyes walks into Sinclair’s office.
DR: Hi, my name’s Zhadur, also known as Death Researcher. I killed
millions with evil experiments, and I’m a war criminal. But now, I
want to give the galaxy a serum for eternal life.
Sinc: Sounds good – I’ll call the senator. (Makes call) They’re ready to
offer you a grant, a luxury apartment, a nice car, and full patent
rights.
DR: Great. Let’s go.

Walking towards the launching bay. A group of aliens shows up.
Sinc: What’s this? I thought I made it clear – no Star Trek
Conventions!
Zira: We’re not a Star Trek convention! We’re the League of
Misaligned Worlds!
Sinc: Oh, yeah. Hard to tell the two apart. Okay, what do you want?
Zira: I am Zira, representing the Planet of the Apes.
Sinc: (noticing a bearded human on a leash & wearing an animal skin)
Who’s that?
Zira: That’s just my pet, Bright Eyes.
BE: (Suddenly falls to the floor, slams his fist against it) You
maniacs! You blew it up! God damn you all to hellllllll!
Zira: Ignore him, commander – he just wants attention. Anyway,
we’ve heard of your plans. That woman is Death Researcher. She
committed war crimes against us and killed a lot of us. We want her,
and you’ll have to kill all of us to take her away.
Sinc: (Looks at League members and does a quick count. Looks at gun,
counts ammo caps; looks up at League members and counts again.)
Okay, have it your way. I’ll put her up in a luxury apartment while we
sort this out.

Sinclair talks with Zhadur
Sinc: Looks like they’re really mad at you.
DR: Yes…. strange. I only wiped out two planets with various plagues
and things. It’s not like I did anything really nasty. I wonder why
they’re upset?
Sinc: Beats me. Look, we still want that eternal life serum. How does
it work?
DR: Well, you have to kill someone else to make it. One person can
only be used to supply another person with serum, and it only lasts a
day, so you have to kill one person a day. However, its cheap to make
once you’ve got a corpse.
Sinc: Not bad. What else goes into it – apart from the corpse?
DR: Oh, some cinnamon, a bit of garlic, the secret sauce…. it makes a
great appetizer.

Sinclair meets with League
Zira: We want Death Researcher now! She killed millions of us,
poisoned our planets and our people, disfigured and tortured
thousands of us!
Sinc: She’s got an eternal life serum. All you have to do is kill one
person per day, and you’ll live forever.
Zira: Well, I suppose nobody’s perfect. Okay, she can live.

Zhadur heads toward jump gate. Vorlon ship blows her up.
Sinc: Why’d you do that?
Kosh: >Twinkle< >Boom< >Thud< Immortality’s a bitch, and then you
kill one.Subj: Re:B5 Parody
Date: 5/13/96 5:43:19 AM
From: Its a myth
Posted on: America Online

ROFL. Loved the exchange between Talia and Ivanova.Subj: More CD
offerings
Date: 5/13/96 6:00:52 AM
From: AmberH
Posted on: America Online

Just a few more thangs – if anyone else has listed them already,
forgive me…it’s been a long week….
“Three is A Magic Number (Schoolhouse Rock)” – The Minbari
“My Wife and my Dead Wife” (Robin Hitchcock) – Sheridan
(Have you seen your mother, baby) Standing in the Shadows (The
Rolling Stones) – The Rangers
Subj: Re:More CD offerings
Date: 5/14/96 12:13:40 AM
From: RosalindB
Posted on: America Online

“(You know)Nuthin about me” (Sting) sung by Kosh
“I’ll be good to you” (Ray Charles & Chaka Kahn) sung by Sheridan &
Delenn

I’m almost tempted to find these and put the cassette together for
real. :)
RosalindSubj: Re:B5 Parody
Date: 5/14/96 3:21:38 PM
From: BretFein
Posted on: America Online

Myth – Glad you enjoyed it. Unfortunately, I can’t post any more right
now – just tried to put in “Signs of Importance” and for some reason
it said it won’t let me leave one with more than 30 characters.
Weird. Anyone else running into this problem?Subj: B5 Parody-Signs
Date: 5/14/96 3:24:46 PM
From: BretFein
Posted on: America Online

Another B5 Parody, courtesy of Moi.
*****
Signs and Portents
Signs of Importance
Morden Travolta arrives on BabbleOn 5. Carries suitcase in one hand,
boombox in another. ‘Bee Gees’ singing ‘Stayin’ Alive’ are audible.
Mord: Hi. I’m Morden Travolta – What do you want?
Guard: I want your identicard.
Mord: Is that all you really want?
Guard: Yes.
Mord: Okay – here’s my card. My associates will reward you.
Guard: Great. Hey, you look familiar – didn’t I see you when Kosh first
arrived? A tech or something?
Mord: I’m not sure – the writer hasn’t decided whether that was me,
or just someone who looks a lot like me.
Guard: Hmmm… Well, looks like you’ve been away for a while.
Mord: Yes, I’ve been out on the Rim.
Guard: Really? Find anything interesting?
Mord: Yes.
Guard: Like what?
Mord: Like the Rim.
Guard: Wow… you explorers really know your stuff. Enjoy your stay.
Mord: I will. More than you.
(Morden Travolta walks off, in time to the beat of “Shadow
Dancing”.)

Londo gets the Eye in a bar.
Londo: Okay, here’s the cash. Let me see it.
Thug: Here you go.
Londo: (opens box… pulls out an eyeball, still bloody) The Eye! Lost a
century ago! But are you sure this is it? The blood looks fresh.
Thug: Hey for 50 creds, you want an eye, you get an eye. Hey, its been
gone a century – who’ll know?
Londo: Good point. Well, hell – its an eye, anyway. Thanks.
(Londo & thugs walk off; Morden watches them go. Bartender comes
up)
Bartend: So, what’ll it be?
Mord: Huh?
Bartend: What do you want?
Mord: (momentarily confused) Hmmm… deja vu. How about a Zima?
Bartend: One Zima, coming up.
Mord: Thanks. What do _you_ want?
Bartend: I want you to pay for that drink.
Mord: And after that?
Bartend: A good tip.
Mord: Okay: find a job somewhere else – fast. My associates will
reward you.

Morden meets G’Kar
Mord: What do you want?
G’kar: I want the Centauri dead! Dead, dead, dead, dead, dead!
G’kar: I don’t know. I just want my planet safe.
Mord: Define ‘safe’.
G’Kar: Unharmed, everybody alive, happy… safe.
Mord: Oh.
G’Kar: So, you’ll get back to me?
Mord: (Chuckles, walks out)

Morden meets with Delenn
Mord: What do you want?
Del: (puts hand to forehead, winces) I want you to leave.
Mord: Okay, but you’ll be sorry.
Del: (Massages temples) Ow, my head hurts. I’ll be glad to get to next
season, when I can lose this bone. Wonder who that guy was. Oh, well
– back to the crystal tower.

Londo meets Kiro
Kiro: So that’s the eye. Huh – it’s smaller than I thought. Bloodier,
too. You sure its the eye?
Londo: I swear on the lives of all the Narns. If I’m lying, may the
galaxy erupt in a war with a deadly ancient race that will wipe us
all out.
Kiro: Good enough for me. Okay, let’s go.
(They walk out, past a human. Kiro winks at the human. Then nods.
Then pats both his arms. Then holds up the box to him. Speaks to
Londo) Well, I guess we’ll go TO THE SHIP NOW. (Looks over at human)
IT’S IN BAY _ELEVEN_. _THIRD_ SHIP FROM THE DOOR. (Nods at human
and points in the direction they’re going) I HOPE NO-ONE TRIES TO
TAKE THE EYE FROM ME, AS WE’RE WALKING UNPROTECTED, _NOW_….
Human: (To transmitter) I think they’re going to the ship with the eye
now. Get them.

Raiders take the eye.
Raider: Okay, hands up! I want the eye!
Londo: How did you know?
(Kiro looks up at the ceiling, whistles)
Raider: Never mind that. Gimme the eye. Oh, and I’ll take Kiro, too –
as a hostage.
Londo: How’d you know his name?
Raider & Kiro: Lucky guess.

>>>>Cont’d<<<<Subj: B5 Parody-Signs, etc.
Date: 5/14/96 3:26:36 PM
From: BretFein
Posted on: America Online

Looks like that 30 char. thing was about the subject title, not the
message.
**************

Morden meets Londo
Mord: What do you want?
Londo: The eye would be nice. I’m really screwed.
Mord: Is that all you really want?
Londo: Well, since you mention it… I want to return to the old days,
when we were Number One! (His hair grows short, his uniform turns
brown and develops a red armband with a symbol; an inch-wide
mustache grows under his nose) I vant power! Undt victory! Undt I
vant to kill millions of Narns in ein big var! (Morphs back to normal)
Hooh… that was weird. Well, does that answer your question?
Mord: Yes, it does. Congratulations – you win the lottery.

Morden gives Londo the Eye.
Mord: Looking for something?
Londo: The Eye! How did you find it? I would have given my soul for
that!
Mord: Fair enough – but later. I won’t ask much – it’s just a small
favor. It’s not like this is a secret plan to take over the galaxy by
getting you to destroy the Narns, attack other races, and cause
everyone to fight each other, so they’ll be weak when we attack. We
would never think of that. So don’t be concerned about this strangely
friendly gesture from someone you know nothing about. We’ll find
you when we want you.
Londo: ‘We’ll find you…’!?! Great Maker – he’s with the IRS!

Sinclair sees Ladira off.
Ladi: You know, I had a vision of this place blowing up.
Sinc: Yeah, I heard. It didn’t, though – we’re fine.
Ladi: It might. Here, let me show you. (Puts hands to Sinclair’s head.
Sees station go PHOOM)
Sinc: Wow… how’d you learn to do that?
Ladi: Saw it on Star Trek.
Sinc: So does that mean the station will be destroyed, or just might
be?
Ladi: I’d love to answer you, but I’ve really gotta run.
Sinc: Will we see you again?
Ladi: Oh, yeah – like I’ve got a death wish.
*************************Subj: B5 Parody – BabbleOn^2
Date: 5/14/96 3:29:05 PM
From: BretFein
Posted on: America Online

And another one…
*******

Babylon Squared
BabbleOn Squared
Fighter arrives at B5
Ivan: Sir, our patrol’s back. He’s dead.
Sinc: That’s a shame.
Ivan: We should check out what killed him.
Sinc: What the hell – it’s been a slow day.

They reach B4
Gari: Wow – it really is B4! And I thought that Major was nuts.
Sinc: Hmmm… funny, but I’m getting this feeling of deja vu…
Gari: You mean…?
Sinc: Right – I feel I’ve been to B4 before.

On B4. Sinclair has his flash-forward. Sees B5 being destroyed.
Sinc: What was that?
Major: A look at the past or the future. It happens a lot here.
Sinc: Maybe an ambassador job on Minbar would make a good change
of pace…
Gari: What’s that, commander?
Sinc: Oh, nothing, nothing.

Talking to Zathras.
Sinc: So you’re taking the station to fight a war?
Zath: Yes, taking we are. Station needed for war is.
Sinc: I don’t suppose you could tell us where you’re taking it…
Zath: Time mine we are taking to. Must have everything end of to
stop. Use we must station to enemy fight.
Sin: What time? The past, the future?
Zath: Time my world 4992 is.
Sinc: And in Earth years?
Zath: Apologizing much. Mathematics not Zathras’ skill.
Sinc: (Wincing) I don’t suppose you could at least speak proper
english, so we can understand you better?
Zath: Apologizing again. English not Zathras’ skill either. Learned
from Yoda watching Star Wars in.
Sinc: Can’t you give us a few more specifics on where the station’s
going?
Zath: Possible is not. Zathras not talk about. Not the Two you are.
Sinc: I thought you served the One, not the Two.
Zath: Apologizing again. Counting not Zathras’ skill. Zathras not have
skills many, actually.
Sinc: Why would they send someone like you to get BabbleOn 4 then?
Zath: Machine mine is. If not let glory Zathras share in, ball and bat
Zathras home take.

Station starts to go. Zathras gets trapped.
Sinc: Let me help you!
Zath: No! Zathras listen you must! Leaving you must be! Destiny you
have!
Sinc: Y’know, everyone seems to tell me that lately. Oh well – I tried.
Adios.

The One shows up.
Zath: Come Zathras you knew would. 2001 suit spiffy looks. How
about helping Zathras, eh?
One: Later. I have to hit on the Minbari babe right now.
Zath: But deep kimshee Zathras in! Being crushed Zathras is!
One: Maybe next time you won’t try hogging all the glory.
Zath: Please! Anything Zathras do!
One: Some other time – I’ve got a hot date with the babe with the
bone.
***********Subj: B5 Parody – Crises’R’Us
Date: 5/14/96 3:31:47 PM
From: BretFein
Posted on: America Online

What the hell – one more.
*************

Chrysalis
Crises’R’Us
Garibaldi discovers a plot to kill the prez.
Gari: Uh-oh. Looks like someone wants the president dead. You –
suspicious-acting partner – stick around while I go talk to the boss.
Mac: Okay. (Gari turns around – Partner shoots him.)

Garibaldi’s in MedLab
Gari: They’re gonna kill the prez. Stop them.
Sinc: Call the Prez.
Ivan: Too late – his ship blew up.
Sinc: Well, win some, lose some.
Ivan: And Delenn’s in a cocoon.
Sinc: I hate days like this.

Prez Clark speaks.
Prez: I just want to tell you that I’m going to work to make this the
world Pres. Santiago wanted. I just checked, and he wanted a
totalitarian dictatorship, so we’ll do that. We’ll start by destroying
all copies of Oliver Stone’s “JFK”. I also regret to annouce that my
doctor has commited suicide – he stabbed himself 28 times in the
back. I, however, am slowly recovering from that virus that kept me
off Earth Force One (Coughs twice for effect). So, don’t worry,
everything’s fine. If you have any concerns or complaints, be sure to
call our new Hotline for Complaining Traitors. We’ll be sure to send
someone out to… talk to you as soon as possible. In the meantime,
I’m doing a little rearranging of staff in EarthGov, to make things
run smoothly. I’d like to introduce you to my new advisors and staff.
Rush Limbaugh is appointed to ISN, to insure accuracy in the media.
Pat Buchanan is my new Vice President – he’s got a lot of fresh ideas
I’m fond of. I particularly like his views on how aliens coming to our
world are the cause of half our problems, and liberals are the cause
of the other half. Dan Quayle is appointed head of the EA Educational
Department. G. Gordon Liddy and Charles Colson are in charge of the
EarthGov Ethics Committee, to keep everyone honest. Liddy’ll also
have some other duties in the crime department – but we can talk
about that later. Ivan Boesky is head of the EA Trade Commission.
Ralph Reed and Pat Robertson will be running a new department, the
Ministry of Peace. Oliver North is the new head of the Defense
Department. Joe McCarthy VIII is in charge of Internal
Investigations. JE Hoover IX is in charge of the Earth Bureau of
Investigation. I think that with this line-up of honest people helping
to run things, everything will be fine from now on.

Sinc: (watching broadcast) Y’know, I hear Minbar’s nice this time of
year…
*************Subj: More Babylon 5 on CD
Date: 5/14/96 10:38:17 PM
From: Talethea
Posted on: America Online
“I Want a New Drug” performed by Dr. Franklin

also

“I Get A Kick Out of You” by Cole Porter (I think) performed by Dr.
Franklin and the Lab Tecks

TaletheaSubj: Re:More Babylon 5 on CD
Date: 5/14/96 11:44:54 PM
From: Archer C1
Posted on: America Online

“You’re Not Drinking Enough” (Don Henley) by Michael GaribaldiSubj:
Duck Dodgers
Date: 5/15/96 2:07:01 AM
From: ShdwLight
Posted on: America Online

On the wall of Garibaldi’s room.

Duck Dodgers.

Classic.

I love it.
~CSubj: Re:B5 CD
Date: 5/15/96 6:37:42 AM
From: JVibber
Posted on: America Online

“Medicine Jar” (by Paul McCartney) sung as duet by Dr. Franklin and
Garibaldi

Dead on your feet, you won’t get far
If you keep on stickin’ your hand
In the medicine jar
Subj: Tie-in
Date: 5/15/96 4:17:01 PM
From: Archer C1
Posted on: America Online

The last surviving battlestar, leading a rag-tag fugitive fleet,
finally arrives at a shining planet known as Earth…

and gets the pogies blown out of it by a fleet of Shadow ships.

[Roll opening credits…] “The Babyon Project was our last, best
hope…”Subj: Re:Subliminal Message?
Date: 5/21/96 8:15:49 AM
From: LoudonB
Posted on: America Online

If I remember correctly (and I should, since I taped that show and
paused at that moment), it goes like this: “Trust the PsiCorps, the
PsiCorps is your friend”

LoudonBSubj: Favorite Centauri Joke
Date: 5/21/96 5:24:58 PM
From: Archer C1
Posted on: America Online

“Are those six bananas in your pocket or are you just happy to see
me?”Subj: Sandwiches
Date: 5/21/96 6:27:03 PM
From: MAKagle
Posted on: America Online

I recently went to a deli and ordered a “Garibaldi” which was a
sandwich with a lot of peppers. I assume they hadn’t named it after
the B5 character but I wonder what a B5 sanwich shop would have
(ie an “Ivanova” would be a kosher sandwich).

Anybody have any suggestions?Subj: just a whim
Date: 5/22/96 3:25:51 AM
From: SarahACnnr
Posted on: America Online

Maybe this thought has been visited before (on bbs where I have
never been) but…I turned on the tv the other night because I couldn’t
sleep and there was Bruce of scarecrow fame. I think they should
bring kate jackson onto B5 before the end of the run. maybe i’m sleep
deprived, but the thought really cracks me up.Subj: Re:Duck Dodgers
Date: 5/22/96 5:14:07 AM
From: LoudonB
Posted on: America Online

If you recall, long, long ago, Garabaldi was showing Deleen (how is
that spelled?) his second or first (can’t remember) favorite thing in
the universe: Duck Dodgers reruns.

LoudonBSubj: Re:Duck Dodgers/sandwich
Date: 5/23/96 12:42:21 AM
From: RosalindB
Posted on: America Online

Duck Dogers is his second favorite thing. :)

I was thinking about the sandwiches. (I forget who started this
thread.)
How about – the “Sheridan” = white toast, mayo, lettuce, tomato,
ham, and american cheese. With a touch of dijon for the warrior in
you. :)Subj: Re:just a whim
Date: 5/23/96 7:18:05 AM
From: JVibber
Posted on: America Online

<< Maybe this thought has been visited before (on bbs where I have
never been) but…I turned on the tv the other night because I couldn’t
sleep and there was Bruce of scarecrow fame. I think they should
bring kate jackson onto B5 before the end of the run. maybe i’m sleep
deprived, but the thought really cracks me up. >>

Naah. It looks like they’re doing “Little House on Za’Ha’Dum” instead.
Perhaps the special effects team will whip up a simulation of
Michael Landon to portray a new Vorlon?
Subj: Origin of Valen’s Name?
Date: 5/25/96 7:19:00 AM
From: JVibber
Posted on: America Online

Spoiler for WWE II
s
p
o
i
l
e
r
spoiler spoiler
oh, spoiler
So, now that we know that Sinclair = Valen (and he was very careful
to say he was CALLED Valen, not NAMED Valen) where did he get the
name in the first place?

I suggest it was a contraction of his favorite old Earth musician:
Van Halen.
Subj: John+Delenn
Date: 5/25/96 3:53:31 PM
From: StarWarMen
Posted on: America Online

This didn’t work out too well in the poetry section so I’ll write it
here.

There once was an Earth Force captain
Who was happily married but then
His wife got killed by
A spider in the sky
Now Johnny-boy’s chasing Delenn

Thank-you! thank-you.
J2Subj: Kosh Sketch
Date: 5/26/96 12:51:30 AM
From: BKnight255
Posted on: America Online

Spoilers…
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
0
JMS says that the new Vorlon will come to B5 and announce himself
as “Kosh”, explaining, “We are all Kosh”.

Does this remind anybody of the Bruce Sketch from Monty Python?

I can’t think of a good way to do it, but it seems like a good catalyst.

“We will call you Kosh. To avoid confusion.”Subj: Re:Babylon 5 CD
Date: 5/30/96 2:49:08 AM
From: Pella97
Posted on: America Online

Sung by Sinclair,Delenn & Sheridan ” One is the Lonliest
Number”.Subj: Re:Babylon 5 CD
Date: 5/30/96 8:29:31 AM
From: Archer C1
Posted on: America Online

Sherdian, Sinclair and Delenn sing the Beatles’ “Come Together”
(contains the line “One and one and one is three”)Subj: Daffy Duck
Date: 5/30/96 9:05:58 AM
From: Archer C1
Posted on: America Online

I think the Daffy duck poster is a sign that when we get to
Zha’ha’dum, we’re going to find the Shadows are being run by Marvin
the Martian. “I’m going to destroy Babylon 5 with my X-74 Shadow
space mod-u-lay-tor.”

and….

“You’ve defeated my Shadows. That’s makes me so angry.”Subj:
Re:Babylon 5 CD
Date: 5/30/96 11:43:21 PM
From: Pella97
Posted on: America Online

Steve Miller’s “Fly Like An Eagle” (Time Keeps On Slippin’ Slippin’
Slippin’ In to the Future)
Sung by Zathras with the B4 Crew singing back upSubj: Re:Babylon 5
CD
Date: 5/31/96 7:05:20 AM
From: JVibber
Posted on: America Online

“You’re having my baby” sung by Sheridan and Delenn.
Subj: Zathras = Bob Dole?!
Date: 5/31/96 7:18:05 AM
From: JClark99
Posted on: America Online

Has any one else been struck by the remarkable number of
similarities
between B5’s Zathras and candidate Bob Dole? Maybe Zathras was
Dole in
a former life. (If you haven’t seen both parts of the season 3 finale,
be sure to see them before reading further.)

Consider, for instance:
Zathras refers to himself in the third person: “Zathras will do.”

Bob Dole also refers to himself in the third person: “Bob Dole will do
it.”

Zathras has long worked in the Great Machine on Epsilon 3.

Bob Dole has long worked in great machine in Washington, D.C.

Zathras is very old: 110.

Bob Dole is … well … no spring chicken.

Zathras believes that interfering with the operation of the Great
Machine
is “very bad.”

Bob Dole believes that interfering with the operation of Big Business
is
“very bad.”

Zathras is a little slow to catch on: “Zathras understand …. No,
Zathras not understand, but Zathras do. Zathras good at doings, not
understandings. ”

Bob Dole also does not understand, but does anyway.

Zathras knows the problems time distortion can cause.

Bob Dole *is* one of the problems time distortion can cause.

Working where he did, Zathras has seen the major events of the last
500
years.

So has Bob Dole.

Zathras believed he could fix a time stableizer.

Bob Dole believes he can fix an even more complex system: the
national budget.

Zathras believes he has a destiny to fulfill in the White Star.

Dole believes he has a destiny to fulfill in the White House.

Zathras emphasizes the importance of the three aspects of The One
in
Minbari culture.

Bob Dole emphasizes the importance of the three branches of the
government
in American culture.

Zathras recently left his adopted home on Epsilon 3 in order to take
the White Star back in time.

Bob Dole recently left his adopted home on Capital Hill in order to
take
the White House back in time.

Zathras believes he is working on the side of Light to fight a
legendary
foe: the Shadows.

Bob Dole also believes that he is working on the side of Light to
fight
a legendary foe: the Democrats.

Zathras had to deal with Sheridan going back and forth in time.

Bob Dole had to deal with Clinton going back and forth time and time
again on policy.

Zathras dresses in stone age skins.

Bob Dole dresses in suits almost as old.

Zathras goes back to the past because he believe it will make a
better
future.

Dole goes back to the past because he, too, believes it will make a
better
future.

Zathras is evasive when asked about the future.

So is Dole. But Dole is a professional at it.

Zathras says he “does not remember” when asked about the future.

Dole says he “does not remember” when asked about the past (and
really doesn’t).
———

Note: This posting is for entertainment purposes only, and is not
meant
to convey any political position.
Subj: Re:Zathras = Bob Dole?!
Date: 5/31/96 9:58:01 PM
From: Talethea
Posted on: America Online

That was brilliant! I’m still laughing!

TaletheaSubj: Babylon 5 CD
Date: 5/31/96 9:59:24 PM
From: Talethea
Posted on: America Online
“Somebody’s Watching Me” sung by Emperor LondoSubj: Top
10
Date: 5/31/96 10:00:53 PM
From: Archer C1
Posted on: America Online

TOP 10 signs that JMS has succumbed to Corporate Sponsorship for
Babylon 5

10. Julia Louis-Dreyfus gives Delenn a new dye job every week.
9. Lennier rides that Kawasaki everywhere.
8. The Drazi start fighting over Taste Great/Less Filling.
7. The Pak’Ma’Ra start using KC Masterpiece.
6. Garibaldi shows up with a weave and tells EVERYBODY about the
Hair Club for men.
5. Morden stops asking “What Do You Want?” and starts with “Do You
Know Me? That’s Why I Carry This.”
4. Lennier says to Dellen “I love you, Satai!” and she tells him he’s
not getting her Bud Light.
3. When Delenn asks Ivanova about those cramps, Susan tells her all
about Midol.
2. Franklin yells at another doctor and a Dr. Marcus Welby asks him
“Hey, Steven, why so tense?”

and the number one sign that Babylon 5 has succumbed to corporate
sponsorship

1. The Zima guy takes command of the station and we start fighting
the Zhadows.Subj: Re:Zathras = Bob Dole?!
Date: 6/1/96 6:37:11 AM
From: JClark99
Posted on: America Online

Thanks.

Jeff

Babylon 5 Message Center /Humor
Subj: Re:Kosh Sketch
Date: 6/2/96 4:31:25 AM
From: DennisD429
Posted on: America Online

G’day Bruce!

G’day Bruce!
Subj: Re:Top 10
Date: 6/2/96 9:30:08 AM
From: Archer C1
Posted on: America Online

Signs that Babylon 5 has succumbed to corporate sponsor ship

Okay, some runners up.

The station is now referred to as the “AT&T Babylon 5″
They open a Starbucks on the Zocolo
They recast Sheridan and Delenn with the “Taster’s Choice” couple.
Kosh’s new warning to Sheridan: “If you go to Zha’ha’dum, bring your
Visa card. Because the Shadows don’t take prisoners, and…”Subj: Re:
Babylon 5 CD
Date: 6/2/96 6:15:11 PM
From: JVibber
Posted on: America Online

“I Want to Marry a Lighthouse Keeper” sung by Delenn.
Subj: Re:Zathras = Bob Dole?!
Date: 6/2/96 10:43:09 PM
From: Songokuten
Posted on: America Online

That was good!Subj: Babylon Z?
Date: 6/2/96 10:46:31 PM
From: Songokuten
Posted on: America Online

>>1. The Zima guy takes command of the station and we start
fighting the Zhadows.<<

You muzt not go to Z’Ha’Dum!

You do not underztand, but you will…

Az long az you’re here, I’ll alwayz be here… be zure to drink your
ovaltine!Subj: Re:Top 10
Date: 6/2/96 10:48:39 PM
From: Songokuten
Posted on: America Online

What about Draal operating a Microsoft program or the Great
Machine using Timex to open the rift in sector 14?Subj: Re:Zathras =
Bob Dole?!
Date: 6/3/96 4:13:22 AM
From: SHERzipp
Posted on: America Online

Thanks for the HUGE laugh. That was hysterical! Just what I needed
to read after a day of work.Subj: Ironic Jest
Date: 6/3/96 12:46:52 PM
From: EAberneth
Posted on: America Online

The biggest joke in the universe of all.

Londo Mollari turning out to be a decent, loving,
nice guy.

Talk about doing an about face!!Subj: Re:babylon 5 CD
Date: 6/3/96 9:40:51 PM
From: Rickeshay
Posted on: America Online

It’s My Party and its sequel(I can’t remember the title) by Leslie
Gore sung by Delenn or Anna
depending on your point of view about the situation.

And as a further bonus the boyfriend in question is Johnny

Rick
Subj: Re:Top 10
Date: 6/3/96 11:40:31 PM
From: DennisD429
Posted on: America Online

” What about Draal operating a Microsoft program or the Great
Machine using Timex to open the rift in sector 14?”

Bill Gates IS actually Draal and will be making a guest appearance in
an upcoming episode!Subj: Barbershop Top Ten
Date: 6/4/96 12:27:22 AM
From: QuirkyDude
Posted on: America Online

Hope this ground hasn’t be tread on yet….

Top Ten Specialized Tools of the Trade in the Zocalo’s Barbershop

10. Purple or Green Dye (Drazi)
9. Bone Sander (Minibari)
8. Time Release Formula (Zathras)
7. Hedge Trimmers & mousse. Lots of mousse. Six cans. (Centauri)
6. Three in One Formula (S, S, & D.)
5. Formaldehyde (Morden)
4 Hair Stimulant (Franklin)
3. Embalmer’s Fluid (Markab)
2. Revitalizing Shampoo (Sheridan- his hair is so coarse, it’s like
straw!)
1. Turtle Wax (Narns)

Y’all like? EddieSubj: Re:Zathras = Bob Dole?!
Date: 6/4/96 4:30:11 AM
From: JClark99
Posted on: America Online

WRusty wrote: >> Post in the political boards and watch either the
fur fly or nobody “get it”. Do more Democrats or Republicans watch
B5? I’m Independent so I don’t keep track of these things. <<

Yes, I think only a B5er would even know who Zathras _is_, much
less understand why such a character would have anything in
common with Dole! I’m neither Democrat or Republican, and have
little idea of the political demographics of B5, but I’ve got this
sneaking suspicion that at least the Vorlons are very conservative
Republicans :-). Take a look at their way of handling illegal
immigration… shoot ’em down and don’t bother to ask questions later.
Nothing wimpy or wishy-washy about it! Then there’s the matter of
appointing “tougher judges” — can’t get much tougher than Jack the
Ripper! We won’t even mention the Star Wars defense system better
than Reagan ever envisioned….. Maybe the Vorlons were what George
Bush was talking about when he mentioned “Thousand Points of
Light” in his speaches!

I’ll like to give the Democrats equal (hard) time, but there doesn’t
seem to be as much Democrat stuff in B5. There’s a little material
there with Lando (e.g., had four wives, and at least one lover) and
Clinton (had at least four lovers, and one wife). But Lando’s more of
a “good ol’ boy” like Ted Kennedy, etc.

I’m glad you enjoyed the posting, and thanks for your kind words.

-Jeff
Subj: Re:Top 10
Date: 6/4/96 4:34:18 AM
From: JClark99
Posted on: America Online

>> Kosh’s new warning to Sheridan: “If you go to Zha’ha’dum, bring
your Visa card. Because the Shadows don’t take prisoners, and…” <<

ROFL! I can just hear the commercials on ISN now!
Subj: Re:babylon 5 CD
Date: 6/4/96 5:10:18 PM
From: Archer C1
Posted on: America Online

Getting more obscure, but….

“Blood And Roses” (Smithereens), a duet by Charlie Dexter and
Brother Edward.Subj: Song
Date: 6/4/96 9:59:23 PM
From: Ckekjk
Posted on: America Online

“Package Thief”(Superchunk) sung by GaribaldiSubj: Re:Rickeshay
Date: 6/6/96 4:52:38 AM
From: SHERzipp
Posted on: America Online

Boy did you get my gray cells working! “Judy’s Turn to Cry” was the
sequel.

SherSubj: Re:Zathras = Bob Dole?!
Date: 6/7/96 4:04:44 AM
From: Its a myth
Posted on: America Online

Destined to become a classic alongside Green Eggs and Spoo!

Bravo! Bravissimo!Subj: Re:Top 10
Date: 6/7/96 5:39:42 AM
From: Lcclp
Posted on: America Online

When Susan says “I’l be in the car”; they flash to a picture of a new
Saturn with Dana Scully behind the wheel.Subj: More CD offerings
Date: 6/7/96 5:49:27 AM
From: AmberH
Posted on: America Online

“Doing the Unstuck” (the Cure) – John Sheridan :-)Subj: Re: Humor
Date: 6/7/96 4:12:25 PM
From: MORTONROB
Posted on: America Online

Q. What’s more confusing than a Vorlon?

 

 

 

A. A teenage Vorlon.Subj: The 12 Step Program
Date: 6/7/96 6:02:28 PM
From: Archer C1
Posted on: America Online

Hi. My name is Paul.

I’m a Babylon 5 addict.

I’ve now gone three weeks without a new episode…Subj: Babylon CD
Date: 6/8/96 12:46:38 AM
From: Songokuten
Posted on: America Online

Someone’s probably already done this, but:

“Revolution” by the Beatles, sung by Sheridan and General Hague.

Subj: WHAT?
Date: 6/8/96 3:09:42 PM
From: MORTONROB
Posted on: America Online

BOOM! BOOM!Subj: Re:A New Light Bulb Joke
Date: 6/8/96 3:14:00 PM
From: MORTONROB
Posted on: America Online

How many dumb blonds does it take to screw in a lightbulb

 

 

 
To many.Subj: Re: Babylons
Date: 6/10/96 3:24:44 AM
From: MORTONROB
Posted on: America Online

<<What happened to Babylon 1-4>>
Babylon 1 was conquered by the meads. Babylon 4 was dragged
through time.Subj: Re:Babylon CD
Date: 6/11/96 4:59:56 AM
From: SHERzipp
Posted on: America Online

All right, an oldie but a goodie for the CD: After Lennier’s scene in
the bar with Marcus on CofL&D:
“It Hurts to Be in Love” (old Gene Pitney song).Subj: Re:Babylon CD
Date: 6/11/96 8:58:08 PM
From: Archer C1
Posted on: America Online

G’Kar and the Ki’Rie sing Bob Dylan’s “Rainy Day Women 12 & 35″
(“Everybody Must Get Stoned”)
A Special Dedication from Londo Mollari…Subj: Re:Kosh Sketch
Date: 6/12/96 8:04:06 PM
From: Otokodate
Posted on: America Online

Is Kosh a Poofta?Subj: Re:babylon 5 CD
Date: 6/12/96 8:07:29 PM
From: Otokodate
Posted on: America Online

Delenn singing ‘My boyfriend’s back’ whenever Sinclair comes
aboard.Subj: Re:Kosh Sketch
Date: 6/12/96 10:34:55 PM
From: BKnight255
Posted on: America Online

Imagine the reading of the rules in KoshSpeak…

*whrrr* Rule one. No Shadows.

*screee* Rule two. This term, there will be no mistreating the
Universe in any way … if there is anybody watching.

And so on…

It’s not a very good joke.Subj: Glitches
Date: 6/13/96 2:17:28 AM
From: RONPEGT
Posted on: America Online

Top 10 glitches on B5.

10. Spam listed as ingrediant in Flarn.

9. Former Political Officer listed under “Biiitch!”

8. Can’t get reruns of Ricki Lake off ISN feed.

7. Defense grid fires a big “BANG” banner.

6. Refers to Londo as “Mr. Calrissian.

5. Each time Lennier enters a room the PA calls out “Danger, Danger!’

4. Down Below listed as “Downtown Detroit.”

3. Station wash causes the Night Watch arm bands to bleed.

2. Vir is listed as “Flounder.”

And the number 1 B5 glitch is….

 

Each time the lights go out you hear “BOOM! BOOM!”
RONPEGTSubj: More B5 Music
Date: 6/13/96 1:48:54 PM
From: Fafayin
Posted on: America Online

Ivanova – “Instant Karma”
Garibaldi – “Please Mr. Postman”
G’Kar – “Bad Blood”
Kosh – “Come Fly With Me”
Talia – “Wake Up, Little Suzie”

And coming soon, “B5 Does Broadway”, including such hits as:

Londo – “Gonna Wash That Man Right Outta My Hair” (South Pacific)

Sinclair – “Memory” (Cats{Now & Forever})

and featuring that show-stopper from “A Chorus Line”…
The Rangers singing “One” (complete with kick line).

Lynn :-)Subj: Re:More B5 Music
Date: 6/13/96 7:17:50 PM
From: RONPEGT
Posted on: America Online

“Outshined”–Soundgarden; Sung to Kosh
“I Will Follow”–U2; Lennier to Delenn
“One”–U2; Zathris to the Trinity
“Mysterious Ways”–U2; The B5 writing staff
RONPEGTSubj: Re:More B5 Music
Date: 6/14/96 5:01:01 AM
From: Irelandc
Posted on: America Online

Fafayin (Lynn) Very nice! :)Subj: Re:Zathras = Bob Dole?!
Date: 6/16/96 9:35:19 AM
From: Del Kimry
Posted on: America Online

LOL!! JClark, this is hysterical!
– KimrySubj: Re:Zathras = Bob Dole?!
Date: 6/21/96 8:20:49 AM
From: JClark99
Posted on: America Online

“LOL!! JClark, this is hysterical!”
– Kimry

I’m glad you liked it, Kimry. I appreciate your kind words! It came
to me one night (in a dream?), and I woke up laughing, so I thought I’d
share it with other people who might enjoy it, or at least understand
it.

-Jeff
Subj: Re:Another Lightbulb joke
Date: 6/25/96 11:17:02 PM
From: TMConlon
Posted on: America Online

How Many Vorlons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

 

 
The lightbulb has always been hereSubj: Re:Babylon 5 CD
Date: 6/26/96 8:22:11 PM
From: Ryan PR
Posted on: America Online

Sherdian and Delenn sing, “I got you Babe” – Sonny and Cher.

President Clark and Londo “Living on a Prayer” Bon Jovie.

Kosh sings “These Dreams” and “If Looks could Kill” – Heart.

Emporer Londo sings, “I got you under my skin”

and as possible theme music for Garibaldie when he sends a letter
home,
The Mission Impossible Theme.Subj: Python
Date: 6/28/96 2:27:07 AM
From: Billbo25
Posted on: America Online

I’m awaiting more pythonesque B5 material people!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I’m having withdrawal symptoms…….

BillboSubj: Spelling Guide
Date: 6/28/96 7:03:15 AM
From: JVibber
Posted on: America Online

Elsewhere, I have seen a spelling guide to the races and characters
for the, er, spelling impaired. Humor being the topic of this folder, I
hereby present the alternative: an explanation for the “bad”
spellings.

Mimbari — a Minbari with a cold
Membari — a Minbari lawyer. If he or she violates lawyer’s ethics
(an oxymoron?), he or she becomes a Disbari
Narin — a Narn who has spent enough time in New Jersey to pick up
the accent (Vir sent those refugees EVERYWHERE)
Deleen — well, Delenn HAS been losing weight since she began
taking more of her meals with the Captain
Garibaldy — hey, he TRIED Rogaine, and it just messed up his blood
pressure!
Sheraton — to help make ends meet, Captain Sheridan is converting
half of B5 into a hotel

Does anybody have any more?
Subj: Re:Spelling Guide
Date: 6/28/96 9:38:52 PM
From: NecRon 01
Posted on: America Online

Those are effing funny!Subj: Re:Spelling Guide
Date: 6/28/96 11:01:05 PM
From: Songokuten
Posted on: America Online
Zuthrus- Zathras is so selfless that he even changed his name to
emphasize whover he talks to.

Drall- He’s so dull when he gives a speech…

Markab/Marcab- ??? JMS has spelled it both ways himself!
Subj: Bester
Date: 6/29/96 2:37:13 AM
From: SallyS5000
Posted on: America Online

What do you call Bester when he goes crazy?

 
Answer below:

 
A psi-coticSubj: Spelling guide
Date: 6/29/96 3:48:29 AM
From: AmberH
Posted on: America Online

Sheridun – the color the Captain turns when he’s got hepatitis (I
know it’s really stretching it….)
Lando – The Centauri character played by Billy Dee Williams in “The
Shadows Strike Back”
Jakar – Brother of Jafar, the evil Narn wizard
Subj: Joke
Date: 6/29/96 4:59:50 PM
From: Unforth
Posted on: America Online

Hi.
Since this folder includes humor from the show (I mean jokes told
during the show), I feel I have to post this one.

What’s more dangerous than a locked room full of angry Narn?
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
\/
One angry Narn with the key.Subj: Valen
Date: 6/30/96 4:23:39 AM
From: JVibber
Posted on: America Online

After going back in time 1000 years, why did it take another 100
years for Valen to get around to writing those letters to Sinclair and
Delenn?
|
|
|
|
V
Jet lag.
Subj: Spelling guide
Date: 6/30/96 4:57:13 AM
From: JVibber
Posted on: America Online

Here are more “bad” spelling explanations

Za’Ha’Doom: What happens to anybody who goes to the home of the
S’Ha’Dows
J’Kar: B’atMan’s nemesis
Subj: Spelling guide
Date: 6/30/96 5:28:55 AM
From: JVibber
Posted on: America Online

And still more

Koch: The name Ambassador Kosh used when he was mayor of New
York (he HAS been around a long time)
Vosh: Kosh when he gets a little sloshed, begosh.
Subj: Re:Spelling Guide
Date: 7/2/96 3:05:00 AM
From: Otokodate
Posted on: America Online

Not too bad!Subj: Re:Top 10
Date: 7/3/96 3:57:40 AM
From: MacManJWS
Posted on: America Online

<< What about Draal operating a Microsoft program or the Great
Machine using Timex to open the rift in sector 14?>>

Epsilon III…It takes a licking and keeps on ticking…

MackerSubj: Re: Bad Spelling
Date: 7/5/96 4:09:34 AM
From: SHERzipp
Posted on: America Online
Drall/Drawl: Draal’s cousin from Georgia.Subj: Re: More CD offerings
Date: 7/5/96 11:41:25 AM
From: EAberneth
Posted on: America Online

Londo: “Back to the Shadows” from the Pray for Death movie
soundtrack
Marcus: “You lost that Loving feeling” or “You Light up My Life” in
refering to Susan.
Garibadi:
Delenn: “Can’t help falling in Love” and
Sheridan:”Broken Wings” by Foriegner
Morden: “Shadow Dancing”Subj: Re: More CD offerings
Date: 7/5/96 5:02:41 PM
From: JVibber
Posted on: America Online

“The Man in the Middle,” by Mr. Morden.
Subj: Dedication
Date: 7/5/96 11:13:50 PM
From: Talethea
Posted on: America Online
Song: “Like a Prayer” by Madonna
To: Kosh
From: Sheridan
Subj: Re: More CD offerings
Date: 7/6/96 3:32:08 AM
From: BARRIEJ
Posted on: America Online
I know this dates me, but these are oldies:

“Release Me (and let me love again)” by Sheridan to Anna
“Can’t Take My Eyes Off of You” Sheridan to Delenn
“Getting to Know You” duet by Sheridan and Delenn
“A Wonderful Guy” by Delenn to Sheridan
“I’m Gonna Wash that Man Right Out of My Hair” Ivanova to Marcus
Subj: Re: More CD offerings
Date: 7/6/96 1:27:45 PM
From: BARRIEJ
Posted on: America Online

One more,

As Sheridan finishes his little speech to Delenn in Ceremonies, he
bursts into

“Walk Through This World With Me (go where I go)”Subj: Re: More CD
offerings
Date: 7/6/96 2:29:43 PM
From: EAberneth
Posted on: America Online

Mmm,how about these?

Marcus: “Too Shy”
Franklin: “Shattered Dreams” by Johnn Hates Jazz and “Heart Beat” by
Don Johnson”
Delenn and Sheridan:”Heart Beat”
Lennier: “Seperate Ways”
Garibaldi: “No One is to Blame”

Just thought I’d put my 2 credits worth in.Subj: Re: More CD
offerings
Date: 7/7/96 6:21:02 PM
From: BARRIEJ
Posted on: America Online

In ’84 I heard Susan Osborn sing and became a fan of hers (she’s done
some tapes with Paul Horn, I believe). At the time, she had just
gotten married and sang a song she composed with the words “I don’t
need an oracle to tell me you’re the one.” So, I’m adding it to the
line-up

“I Don’t Need An Oracle” by Sheridan and Delenn, Marcus and Susan,
Vir and Lindastry
Subj: Spelling lesson redux
Date: 7/9/96 4:50:04 PM
From: AmberH
Posted on: America Online

Gariboldie: Our favorite security chief when he’s hitting on a girl
<g>Subj: Patterns
Date: 7/11/96 2:53:59 AM
From: JVibber
Posted on: America Online

[Sheridan and Ivanova are in the War Room. Sheridan is poring over
reports of the Shadow’s most recent attacks. He looks exasperated.]

Sheridan: I just can’t seem to figure it out. The Shadows’ attacks
seem to be random, but I have a hunch there’s a pattern somewhere.

Ivanova: Well, where have they attacked so far?

Sheridan: First it was Antares. Then next it was Betelgeuse. After
that was Ceti Alpha.

Ivanova: Those systems are nowhere near each other!

Sheridan: I know!

Ivanova: Where next?

Sheridan: The next attack came at Deneb.

Ivanova: I just don’t get it! There seems to be no pattern at all!

Sheridan: Exactly. Here we sit, away from all these systems,
orbiting Epsilon Eridani, and yet I KNOW we’re not safe forever. I
just wish I knew where they’d strike next!

Ivanova: Antares… Betelgeuse… Ceti Alpha… Deneb… Uh oh!

Sheridan: “Uh oh?”

Ivanova: Yeah. BIG “uh oh!”

[To be continued…] Subj: Patterns, Part 2
Date: 7/11/96 2:54:47 AM
From: JVibber
Posted on: America Online

[Medium shot of Garibaldi sitting in his quarters, doing his “second
favorite thing in the universe” — watching “Duck Dodgers in the 24-
1/2 Century.” Switch to close-up shot of TV picture.]

Daffy Duck: The real question is, how are we going to find Planet X?

[Porky Pig looks out the spaceship porthole as they pass planets
marked with signposts labeled “A”, “B”, “C”, etc.]

Porky Pig: W-w-well I d-dunno, bu-but I think th-that if we, uh, f-
follow these p-planets, they’ll l-lead us r-right to P-Planet X.

Daffy Duck: [Jumps up, holding one index finger in the air.] I’VE GOT IT!
[Runs to the porthole and looks outside.] If we follow these planets, they’ll lead us right to Planet X!
[Steps back, and strikes a pose with his hands on his hips.] Sometimes I’m so brilliant, I amaze even myself!

Porky Pig: B-big deal!

[Switch back to medium shot of Garibaldi. He laughs uproariously as
the camera pulls back to reveal Lennier watching with him, an
indulgent grin on his face. Suddenly, the smile disappears and
Lennier stands bolt upright, spilling popcorn all over the carpet.]

Garibaldi: Hey, what’s the — [Pause.] What!?!

Lennier: Planet X!

Garibaldi: “Planet X?” What are you…
[Drops his own popcorn. His eyes pop wide open.] We’ve gotta tell the Captain!

[To be continued…?] Subj: Re:Patterns
Date: 7/12/96 8:53:52 PM
From: Songokuten
Posted on: America Online

>>Ivanova: Antares… Betelgeuse… Ceti Alpha… Deneb… Uh oh!

<<

So, you’d be safe from the Shadows for a while if you moved to Zeti
Reticula?Subj: Re:More CD offerings
Date: 7/13/96 1:08:01 PM
From: EAberneth
Posted on: America Online

Franklin: “Show Me the Way”
Warrior Caste to Valen: Show me the way
Delenn: ” She works hard for the money”
Sheridan and Delenn:”Heart and Soul”
Vir: “Total Eclispe of the Heart”
Morden: “On the Dark side”Subj: Re:Patterns
Date: 7/15/96 8:30:39 PM
From: Archer C1
Posted on: America Online

>>Ivanova: Antares… Betelgeuse… Ceti Alpha… Deneb… Uh oh!

<<

So, you’d be safe from the Shadows for a while if you moved to Zeti
Reticula?>>>

And when they were getting to “X”, just move back to Alpha
Centauri….

Question, does Earth fall under “E” or “S” for Sol?Subj: Re:Patterns
Date: 7/15/96 10:23:41 PM
From: MAKagle
Posted on: America Online

Hey, doesn’t this count as fan fiction and, therefore off limits?Subj:
Re:Patterns
Date: 7/16/96 7:01:05 AM
From: JVibber
Posted on: America Online

<< Hey, doesn’t this count as fan fiction and, therefore off limits? >>

Only to five. Then it runs out of fingers.
Subj: Re:Patterns
Date: 7/16/96 4:53:26 PM
From: Fafayin
Posted on: America Online

So THAT’S what the Shadows want…Aluminum Fosdik, the shaving
cream molecule!Subj: Re:Popular culture
Date: 7/18/96 4:23:44 AM
From: SHERzipp
Posted on: America Online

Hey B5 made it to a comedy line in a mainstream show:

Drew Carey Show this week: Drew’s friend wants to throw a science
fiction party. Drew asks him what they’re like and he replies that
they’re mostly (I think, I missed part of the line) Star Trek fans, but
that there are usually a few Star Wars and Babylon 5 fans. Then he
and his girlfriend smirk and he says: “As if those shows are *real.*”
:)Subj: Re:Popular culture
Date: 7/19/96 11:29:57 PM
From: I Vorlon I
Posted on: America Online

Ouch! That stings!Subj: Spelling
Date: 7/24/96 11:24:18 PM
From: I Vorlon I
Posted on: America Online

Lord Reefer – Soon to be Centauri emporer played by Thomas
Chong.Subj: Re:Spelling
Date: 7/25/96 4:57:10 AM
From: AmberH
Posted on: America Online

Satay Delenn – Mira Furlan served in a spicy peanut sauce
Captain Sheraton – where all good Earth force commanders stay
while on holidaySubj: Monty Python Redux
Date: 8/2/96 2:08:46 PM
From: Minbari1
Posted on: America Online

In Grail when they were saying what happened to the previous
Babylon Stations, all I could hear in my mind’s ear was:

Prez Clark (or someone else): “Well, Sheridan…”
Sinclair: “Sinclair…”
C: “Sinclair… You’re gonna go to Minbar & be the ambassador.”
S: “But I don’t want to father.”

C: “People said it was daft to build a space station out here, but no,
we didn’t listen. The 1st station’s infrastructure collapsed due to
sabotage, so we built a 2nd one. That one was destroyed by sabotage,
too. So we built a 3rd one – it blew up. So we built ANOTHER one.
That one wrinkled,twisted like putty then disappeared. But the 5th
one… THE 5TH ONE STAYED. And that’s what you’ve inherited.”
My apologies for loose context.

How ’bout this for a visual image… all the cast of B5 w/their heads
attached to fish bodies swimming around in a fish bowl.

Delenn: Good Morning.
Sheridan: ‘Morning.
Ivanova: mmmhmmmorning….. Why does my mouth always taste like
stale carpet?
Lennier: Greetings.
Morden: What do you want?
Londo: Bah! Go back to sleep.
Vir: Ah, excuse me. I’m very sorry.
Franklin: WHAT IS IT?
G’Kar: Blessings of G’Quon to you this beautiful day.
Garibaldi: Nuts.
Marcus: You bloody woke me up for this?

Garibaldi: What’s up?
Sheridan: Oh, look… Kosh is being eaten.
Marcus: Horrible, isn’t it.
Delenn: It’s terrible what this world is coming to.

<smirk>
M1
=)
<*>Subj: Jesus visits B5
Date: 8/6/96 6:24:53 AM
From: Doodnis
Posted on: America Online
There’s been a lot of speculation about what it would be like if jms
were God. And in the tv guide article jms said something like if he
were God he’d have a deeper voice and more hair. I’ve often thought
that if jms were God, he wouldn’t believe in himself. And then he
wouldn’t be the great writer that he is. Just at thought-no offense
intended.

So anyway, I got to wondering what it would be like if God existed
in the B5 universe.

Jesus returns…

“Sorry if I’m a little late, I threw a big party in honor of my second
coming and I guess I must have gotten drunk and passed out. How
long have I been asleep?………..250 YEARS!!!!?????? ME MYSELF and
I!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

The Galaxy reacts…

G’kar: I told the others you were coming. I tried to
warn them but they wouldn’t listen.

Zathras: Zathras knew you would come

Sheridan: It’s about time someone showed up to
brief me

Ivanova: I’ll be in the car

Garibaldi: Well I’ll be damned-er, I mean…how’s it
goin’?

Sinclair: (In a letter from 1000 years ago he
writes): “Hello old friend”

Delenn (to Lennier): He’s here, isn’t he?

Franklin: I’ve never seen an alien like this one

Londo: I see nothing

Kosh: Leave this place. They are not for you.

Sheridan calls a meeting of the war council…

Sheridan: Where has Jesus been all this time?

Kosh: He has always been here. Well, most of the
time. I fill in when he’s on vacaton.

Jesus tells Refa and Mollari that they are damned…

Refa: In that case, it helps to be immortal.

Londo: There is nothing you can do to me mr.
Christ that has not been done already.

Jesus tells Shereidan that he is doomed…

Sheridan (to Delenn): What did he mean by that?

Delenn: An old Minbari insult

Jesus challenges Zathras to give away all his wordly possessions
and follow him on a great crusade.

Zathras: Zathras can never have anything nice.Subj: Re:Lightbulb
jokes
Date: 8/7/96 2:33:37 AM
From: K71382
Posted on: America Online

What?! Subj: Re:Lightbulb jokes
Date: 8/7/96 2:34:01 AM
From: K71382
Posted on: America Online

Good one.Subj: Re:Babylon 1-4
Date: 8/7/96 2:38:42 AM
From: K71382
Posted on: America Online

Each of them exploded mysteriously, with the exception of Babylon
4, which just vanished.Subj: Re:Babylon 1-4
Date: 8/7/96 4:49:24 AM
From: Songokuten
Posted on: America Online

For those of you who’ve read your dose of Ellison, I’m sure you’re all
looking forward to his new B5 B-story script* as much as I am! It’s
called “A Pak’Mah’Ra And His Dog”.

I don’t want to spoil anything, but you know how Pak’Mah’Ra are.

A Pak’Mah’Ra LOVES his dog!

Sorry.

*Script does not actually exist.Subj: Re:Babylon 1-4
Date: 8/7/96 4:57:03 AM
From: AmberH
Posted on: America Online

>> A Pak’Mah’Ra LOVES his dog!<<

Especially with a side order of coleslaw. :-)Subj: Re:Babylon 1-4
Date: 8/11/96 9:33:45 PM
From: Songokuten
Posted on: America Online

>>>> A Pak’Mah’Ra LOVES his dog!<<

Especially with a side order of coleslaw. :-)<<

It’s fast food until you tranquilize it.

Babylon 5 Message Center /Humor
Subj: Re: Reindeer
Date: 9/6/96 7:30:28 PM
From: Archer C1
Posted on: America Online

<<This was all explained in the episode “The everlasting night before
christmas”>>

I thought that was “The Fall Of Night Before Christmas”

That’s the one where Kosh reveals himself to be a flying reindeer and
saves Sheridan’s life.Subj: Xmas on B5, continued
Date: 9/6/96 7:37:57 PM
From: Archer C1
Posted on: America Online

And then there was “Santa Morden”. All the little children would sit
on his lap and he would ask “What Do You Want?”

Carollers stroll all over the station singing that 23rd century
favorite, “The Little Drazi Boy.”

Neither Garibaldi nor Ivanova get what they want for Christmas, but
then Talia can’t be two places at once.

Nightwatch gets a real kick, for some reason, from “Santa Claus is
Coming to Town.”
“He knows if you’ve been, he knows if you’re awake, he knows if you
been bad or good….”Subj: Re: More CD offerings
Date: 9/9/96 7:04:36 PM
From: Duck98
Posted on: America Online

“The Road to Hell” By Londo and G’KarSubj: Web page.
Date: 9/11/96 8:41:35 PM
From: EINSTAIN
Posted on: America Online

http://members.aol.com/EINSTAIN/einstainsw.html

Check out this web page.
I know this isn’t related to B5 but still have a look.Subj: Re:Web
page.
Date: 9/12/96 5:47:39 AM
From: JVibber
Posted on: America Online

<< http://members.aol.com/EINSTAIN/einstainsw.html
Check out this web page.
I know this isn’t related to B5 but still have a look. >>

I thought this folder was more suited to SPOO than to SPAM.
Subj: Re:Web page.
Date: 9/12/96 3:18:19 PM
From: ZenGEOS
Posted on: America Online

JV…

no kidding on your comment!
I don’t mind a little bit of self promotion, but jeesh!! EVERY message
board here apparently?
grr…
Subj: Re:Web page.
Date: 9/12/96 9:05:28 PM
From: LynnRAllen
Posted on: America Online

Yeah, it’s basically overkill if you ask me…

And not even related to Babylon 5? I don’t get it.Subj: Re:Web page.
Date: 9/13/96 10:17:33 PM
From: PinkyDVM
Posted on: America Online

Hear,hear! I’m checking new posts and I keep finding this darn thing.
Enough already.Subj: Spelling and CD’s
Date: 9/14/96 10:36:45 PM
From: Luna457954
Posted on: America Online

Ok here’s the spellcheck:

Deleen: Delenn’s Irish cousin

and the Cd’s:
“You Can’t Always Get What You Want” By Morden and the Shadow
Symphony

“(All I Ever Needed Was) The One ” by Zathras
–Luna
Subj: Babble-On Com
Date: 9/15/96 3:42:35 PM
From: MONGOOSEPC
Posted on: America Online

Mongoose just found this board, one new reason to run up my AOL
tab.

How do you spot a non-conformist Centauri?
His Mohawk runs north-south instead of east-west.
You might be a Minbari redneck if:

Your idea of sexy lingerie is Narn body armor.
Your Whitestar uses Centauri scalps for windshield wipers.
Your Chrysalis device is held together by duct tape and fishing line.
Your wife will fight to the death to defend your honor.
You’re directly related to the entire Gray Council.
Your idea of a gourmet meal is Flarn and Budweiser.
You might be a Centauri redneck if:

You think Spoo is some kind of chewing tobacco.
Culture Clash:
A Lurker was trying to antagonize a Centauri. “Yo, dude,” he calls,
“your wife’s so bald and shiny, you could paint an X on her head and
land a Starfury on it.”
“Why,” replies the Centauri, “thank you.”
TV Doublespeak:

Killing off a character = “dramatic downsizing”
Continuity errors = “scriptwriter empowerment”
Desperate media-saturation ploy to increase ratings = “aggressive
promotion strategy”
Shameless merchandizing = “interactive audience appreciation”
ISN is dead. Long Live:

“Babble-On Com”: Talk show hosted by Zach Allen.
“Babylon Blue”: Witness mix-or-match sex between every known
sentient species.
“Quantum Jump”: Documentary series explaining just how that
human/Minbari soul thing happened.
“Mr. Bester’s Neighborhood”: The ultimate pragmatist’s children’s
show: “Of course, you can say, ‘Te-le-path.’ I know you can. There’s
no point in lying.”
“The 23rd-Century Hitch-Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy”: Douglas
Adams’ progeny offer advice on such matters as how to use your
towel when you accidentally find yourself in the methane-breather’s
restroom, why you should never engage in Anglo-Saxon carnal acts
while inside a jump gate, and what to do when your maintbot
becomes suicidal.

You might be a Lurker redneck if:
You think Centauri Prime is a grade of horsemeat.
Subj: Re:Web page.
Date: 9/15/96 9:39:50 PM
From: Kydreamer
Posted on: America Online

Some kid’s just found what he/she thinks is a cool board. Big Deal.
Ignore it, he’ll go away.Subj: Riddle
Date: 9/16/96 4:23:57 AM
From: Luna457954
Posted on: America Online

What does a Pak’ma’ra bring with him on vacation?

 

Carrion luggage!!!

–Luna{:-)Subj: Re:Riddle
Date: 9/16/96 10:18:49 AM
From: MONGOOSEPC
Posted on: America Online

Mongoose laughs most hysterically, Luna!

What’s green, has a bone, sings and is afraid of pork?

Kermit the Minbari Frog. “It’s Not Easy Being Gray…..”Subj:
Re:Riddle
Date: 9/17/96 6:11:08 PM
From: Archer C1
Posted on: America Online

Luna,

you should be mind-wiped for a pun like that one…LOLSubj:
Re:Babble-On Com
Date: 9/19/96 9:28:26 PM
From: PinkyDVM
Posted on: America Online

MongoosePC-You’re weird. LOL. :-)Subj: Coming Clean
Date: 9/20/96 12:14:47 PM
From: MONGOOSEPC
Posted on: America Online

Why are there no laundromats on Narn?

“Spot remover” sounds very unappealing.Subj: Spots…
Date: 9/28/96 1:50:11 PM
From: Minbari1
Posted on: America Online

Love to see what a Narn would do w/a Newcomer…
Or are Newcomers just the progeny of G’Kar’s many attempt to mate
w/a human to create a Narn Telepath?Subj: Re:Spots…
Date: 9/28/96 7:13:46 PM
From: Unforth
Posted on: America Online

What on Centari Prime are Newcomers?

Am I out of it or something?

UnforthSubj: Re:Spots…
Date: 9/28/96 11:06:28 PM
From: Grimlock1
Posted on: America Online

Think Alien NationSubj: Centauri Prime Roast
Date: 9/29/96 2:26:09 PM
From: MONGOOSEPC
Posted on: America Online

Q: Why did the comedian flop on Centauri Prime?

A: No one understood his Dumb Blonde jokes.

Subj: Dr. Who?
Date: 9/30/96 11:40:09 PM
From: MONGOOSEPC
Posted on: America Online

In response to Sheridan’s plaintive plea for advice, “Dr. Ruth
Mongoose” responds:
“Don’t fear that bone. Caress it! Make it your friend!”Subj: Riddle
Date: 10/5/96 1:40:59 AM
From: Luna457954
Posted on: America Online
Q: How many Vorlons does it take to screw in a lightbulb???
A: Yes…..Subj: Mr. Morden…..
Date: 10/5/96 4:52:21 AM
From: QuirkyDude
Posted on: America Online

***this may be offensive so readers with an extremely delicate
constitution may wish to skip this slightly risque message****

 

 

 

 

Just saw something on Cinemax, called “Hot Line” or something
similar. One o’ them sexy cable shows, and Mr. Morden hisself was in
there, Ed Wasser. Anyway, near the end, he’s wearing boxer shorts,
and he’s um.. how shall we say, contoured., and he’s asking of rhis
girlfriend to come to him. All the while, I’m thinking, “Why, Meeester
Morden, what do you want? ”
Subj: Re:Riddle
Date: 10/5/96 4:51:42 PM
From: BPowell170
Posted on: America Online

Luna — that’s preciouse .

ROTFL!!!

— barbSubj: Re: Riddle
Date: 10/8/96 10:13:47 PM
From: KMurray513
Posted on: America Online

Here’s an alternate version, with Luna’s OK:

Q. How many Vorlons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A. Good…

KarenSubj: Marcus and Neroun
Date: 10/8/96 11:57:04 PM
From: Kmegn
Posted on: America Online

May be a spoiler if you have not seen this week’s show.

 

 

 

 

 
I kept looking at that fight scene with Marcus being so brave and
slashing away with his long hair and his goatee, having been trained
by this great Minbari warrior, and all I could think was, “Hello, my
name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.” :)Subj:
Re:Marcus and Neroun
Date: 10/9/96 3:56:54 PM
From: Wrngtl
Posted on: America Online

<<May be a spoiler if you have not seen this week’s show.

 

 

 

 

 
I kept looking at that fight scene with Marcus being so brave and
slashing away with his long hair and his goatee, having been trained
by this great Minbari warrior, and all I could think was, “Hello, my
name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.” :)>>

[snicker]

Good. I thought I was the only one who thought that.
Subj: Re:Marcus and Neroun
Date: 10/9/96 10:33:15 PM
From: Archer C1
Posted on: America Online

<<<<May be a spoiler if you have not seen this week’s show.

 

 

 

 

 
I kept looking at that fight scene with Marcus being so brave and
slashing away with his long hair and his goatee, having been trained
by this great Minbari warrior, and all I could think was, “Hello, my
name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.” :)>>

[snicker]

Good. I thought I was the only one who thought that. >>

“This is inconceivable!”Subj: Re:Marcus and Neroun
Date: 10/10/96 3:31:56 AM
From: Wrngtl
Posted on: America Online

<<<<May be a spoiler if you have not seen this week’s show.

 

 

 

 

 
I kept looking at that fight scene with Marcus being so brave and
slashing away with his long hair and his goatee, having been trained
by this great Minbari warrior, and all I could think was, “Hello, my
name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.” :)>>

“This is inconceivable!”>>

I do not think that means what you think it means.
Subj: Someone’s At the Door
Date: 10/10/96 6:35:52 AM
From: JVibber
Posted on: America Online

The snow globe crashes to the ground. John wakes up. Then he hears
a thump, a groan, and a weird rustling sound. He peers across the
room in the darkness.

“Delenn? Are you OK?”

“Just fine, John.”

He hears a strange shuffling noise, and starts to get out of bed.

“Better stay in bed, John. I dropped something. You might cut your
feet.”

“What are you … Why are you dragging that big bag across the kitchen
floor?”

“Nothing to worry about, John.”

A muffled sound comes from the bag, almost like someone talking.
The bag seems to shift around in a funny way. “MMMFFFFGGG!”

“What’s in there?”

“I’m just cleaning up. Go back to sleep. It’s just another of your
weird dreams. I’ll tell you later.”

John mutters to himself, “Sounds like the same old Delenn, all right.”
He rolls over and goes back to sleep.
Subj: Re:Someone’s At the Door
Date: 10/10/96 5:28:54 PM
From: RehabL
Posted on: America Online

“I would not, could not, kill your wife.
I would not, could not, take her life.”Subj: Subliminal Message
Date: 10/12/96 7:46:01 AM
From: SteveB22
Posted on: America Online

I was watching the episode with the Psi-corps commercial and the
message said, ” Call the Psychic Hot-line NOW”. My buddy thought it
said “Drink Jack Daniel’s”.Subj: Re:Someone’s At the Door
Date: 10/12/96 3:07:06 PM
From: Unforth
Posted on: America Online

LOL!!! :)
I loved it!
Good one, JVibber and RehabL!!!!

UnforthSubj: Re:Marcus and Neroun
Date: 10/12/96 5:07:04 PM
From: KMurray513
Posted on: America Online

I kept looking at that fight scene with Marcus being so brave and
slashing away with his long hair and his goatee, having been trained
by this great Minbari warrior, and all I could think was, “Hello, my
name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.” :)>>

Did anyone happen to notice how many fingers Neroon has on his left
hand??? :)Subj: Re:Marcus and Neroun
Date: 10/13/96 2:36:36 AM
From: Grimlock1
Posted on: America Online

Uh, no, I wasn’t paying attention to that paticular fact.Subj:
Re:Marcus and Neroun
Date: 10/13/96 12:02:39 PM
From: PinkyDVM
Posted on: America Online

<<Hello, my name is INigo Montoya. Prepare to die.>>
I can’t believe I didn’t think of that. I can’t wait to repeat that to my
husband… The Princess Bride is one of our favorite movies. :-)Subj:
Re:Marcus and Neroun
Date: 10/14/96 9:31:49 PM
From: CWheater
Posted on: America Online

>>
<<Hello, my name is INigo Montoya. Prepare to die.>>
I can’t believe I didn’t think of that. I can’t wait to repeat that to my
husband… The Princess Bride is one of our favorite movies. :-)<<

There seem to be quite a few of us here with Princess Bride
committed to memory. I have a wav file of the “Who are you? No one
of consequence…” exchange if anyone’s interested.Subj: Re:Marcus
and Neroun
Date: 10/15/96 1:54:50 AM
From: Wrngtl
Posted on: America Online

<<There seem to be quite a few of us here with Princess Bride
committed to memory. I have a wav file of the “Who are you? No one
of consequence…” exchange if anyone’s interested.>>

I’ve got more Princess Bride wavs than is quite sane. :)

Inconceivable!Subj: Morden Meets His Match
Date: 10/18/96 2:25:06 AM
From: KMurray513
Posted on: America Online

Morden Meets the Guardian of Forever:

M: What do you want?
GoF: A Question. Since before your sun burned hot in space, and
before your world was formed, I have awaited A Question.
M: So what do you want?
GoF: A Question. Since before the Tiki-heads learned to say Zog, I
have awaited A Question.
M: The question is, what do you want?
GoF: A Question. Since the days when the First Ones only crept among
the stars like dwarfs, I have awaited….
M: AAAARRRRGHHH !Subj: Re:Morden Meets His Match
Date: 10/21/96 5:32:22 AM
From: JVibber
Posted on: America Online

<< …
GoF: A Question. Since the days when the First Ones only crept among
the stars like dwarfs, I have awaited….
M: AAAARRRRGHHH ! >>

GoF: Er, uh…is THAT a question?

(With apologies to ORAC and “Blake’s 7″)
Subj: What do we call those ships?
Date: 10/21/96 5:24:37 PM
From: Fafayin
Posted on: America Online

With all of the new White Star-type ships, I was wondering what
their names are. They could stick with colors, but after hitting the
main colors on the wheel, it would start sounding a little silly – I
mean, would YOU take the “Light Eggplant Star” seriously? So… what
to name the ships in the new fleet? Here are some suggestions:
Dwarf Star Neutron Star North Star
Dog Star Morning Star Evening Star
Death Star Rock Star Superstar
Guest Star Bart Starr Brenda Starr
Starr Twinkle Star Light Star Bright
Star of India Star of David Star of Bethlehem
Stars & Stripes Star Wars Star Trek
Star Lost Starland Starlog
Shining Star Star Sapphire Starshine
Starry Night Stardust Starry Eyes

Any more?
Subj: Re:What do we call those ships
Date: 10/21/96 9:49:41 PM
From: BPowell170
Posted on: America Online

Star light
Star Bright
First star …

ROTFL :)
— barbSubj: Re:What do we call those ships
Date: 10/22/96 2:21:48 AM
From: Luna457954
Posted on: America Online

<< I mean, would YOU take the “Light Eggplant Star” seriously? >>

ROFLMAO!!

You forgot Ringo Starr!Subj: Re:What do we call those shi
Date: 10/22/96 2:27:55 AM
From: Songokuten
Posted on: America Online

>>
With all of the new White Star-type ships, I was wondering what
their names are. They could stick with colors, but after hitting the
main colors on the wheel, it would start sounding a little silly – I
mean, would YOU take the “Light Eggplant Star” seriously? So… what
to name the ships in the new fleet? Here are some suggestions:
Dwarf Star Neutron Star North Star
Dog Star Morning Star Evening Star
Death Star Rock Star Superstar
Guest Star Bart Starr Brenda Starr
Starr Twinkle Star Light Star Bright
Star of India Star of David Star of Bethlehem
Stars & Stripes Star Wars Star Trek
Star Lost Starland Starlog
Shining Star Star Sapphire Starshine
Starry Night Stardust Starry Eyes

Any more?<<

I still like “Puce Star” and “Puke-green Star.”
If that doesn’t cut it, then there’re always:
DeathStar Starman A Distant Star The Sky Full Of Stars
Northern Star Prime Star Stargate Gold Star Lone Star
Book Star One Star Two Star Red Star Blue Star…

and “Jenny”. That’s all I have to say about tha-at.Subj: Re:What do
we call those shi
Date: 10/22/96 6:58:54 AM
From: AmberH
Posted on: America Online

Not to mention the: You don’t have to be a star, Jesus Christ
Superstar, Starfish, Starkist, Ziggy Stardust, Starina, Starling, Kay
Starr, (and the K Star R – unless you dont know about Antique dolls,
this will just baffle you!), Beyond the Farthest Star, Wish Upon A
Star, Third Star to the Right, Battle Star and the Zak Starkey
(Ringo’s son btw).

I’m sure there are more but my brain hurts!Subj: Re:What do we call
those shi
Date: 10/22/96 2:30:31 PM
From: Luna457954
Posted on: America Online

I still like “Light Eggplant Star” the best. Or maybe Chartreuse
Star, Robin’s-egg Blue Star, Magenta Star, Burnt Sienna Star, Raw
Umber Star, Mustard Star, Off-white Star, Pumpkin Star, and the
ever popular (and mililtarily correct) Olive Drab Star…

–Luna (putting away her crayons now…)Subj: Re:What do we call
those shi
Date: 10/22/96 7:37:37 PM
From: Sheridan98
Posted on: America Online

ooooh Luna … an *Olive drab star*??? dont forget we also now have
*desert cammie star* (brown, beige, this pink color…sand) and the
aircraft are in *”subdued” star* …. and then we could do *”haze grey
and underway” star*

the navy toyed with a *”different shades of blue cammie” star*

oooo bad road to go down …. then there is the *”Dress Blue” Star*
(dark Navy Blue with “blood stripes” and a gold cumberbund) ………….

Subj: Re:What do we call those shi
Date: 10/23/96 3:31:53 AM
From: JdiJade
Posted on: America Online

Don’t forget..

Movie Star, Star skey and hutch, Star–ting to go crazy with all
these stars, Starstruck,
Star Tropics and Star Fox (the video games) Subj: Re:What do we
call those shi
Date: 10/23/96 3:55:56 AM
From: Luna457954
Posted on: America Online

 

Did *anyone* say “Starstuff?”

–Luna (hopeless romantic)Subj: Re:What do we call those shi
Date: 10/23/96 10:06:50 AM
From: Sheridan98
Posted on: America Online

and lets not forget (2010 SO):
“Oh my God, STARS”Subj: Re:What do we call those shi
Date: 10/23/96 12:20:06 PM
From: Wrngtl
Posted on: America Online

Gun Star? (“The Last Starfighter”)
Subj: Re:What do we call those shi
Date: 10/23/96 1:49:37 PM
From: MONGOOSEPC
Posted on: America Online

Whilst reveling in much amusement reading this thread, a
strange, strange thought crossed my mind:

We don’t call those ships at all. They don’t have telephones.
Subj: Re:What do we call those shi
Date: 10/23/96 1:53:22 PM
From: Fafayin
Posted on: America Online

AmberH, we CAN’T have “Ziggy Stardust” — he hangs out with the
Spiders from Mars!Subj: Re:What do we call those shi
Date: 10/23/96 2:46:55 PM
From: AmberH
Posted on: America Online

Oops, and we forgot the all important “And the sky full of stars”!
Valen will come back and smack us on the head for forgetting *that*
one!!Subj: Re:What do we call those shi
Date: 10/23/96 2:48:41 PM
From: AmberH
Posted on: America Online

>>AmberH, we CAN’T have “Ziggy Stardust” — he hangs out with the
Spiders from Mars!<<

“But where *were* the Spiders…?” They clearly deserted him so it’s
okay now. In fact, it’s alright…clearly right out of sight. :-)

And just to add to it, there’s the much more feminine “Lady Stardust”
to match. :-)

(if you’re not a David Bowie fan, don’t even ask!)Subj: Re:What do we
call those shi
Date: 10/23/96 3:24:22 PM
From: Fafayin
Posted on: America Online

Forgot about “The Stars, Like Dust”. Sorry about that, Isaac!Subj:
Ziggy… played guitar……
Date: 10/23/96 5:29:22 PM
From: ALHANA99
Posted on: America Online

>>> AmberH, we CAN’T have “Ziggy Stardust” — he hangs out with the
Spiders from Mars!
ROFLMAOASTC.

Thank you for a good laugh! I needed that!!!
Helena

Subj: Re:Ziggy… played guitar…
Date: 10/23/96 6:00:13 PM
From: Archer C1
Posted on: America Online

“ROFLMAO” I got

but “ASTC?”Subj: Re:What do we call those shi
Date: 10/24/96 12:25:10 AM
From: Youngpg
Posted on: America Online
<<AmberH, we CAN’T have “Ziggy Stardust” — he hangs out with the
Spiders from Mars!>>

Truly LOL!!!!!! hahahahahahahahahahahahaahSubj: Re:What do we call
those shi
Date: 10/24/96 12:32:34 AM
From: Mrtini
Posted on: America Online

And the command center would be ” The Observatory ” !

Subj: Re:What do we call those shi
Date: 10/24/96 1:03:01 AM
From: BPowell170
Posted on: America Online

>>we CAN’T have “Ziggy Stardust” — he hangs out with the Spiders
from Mars!<<

probably the same spider shadows protecting the Psi Corps on Syria
Planum ๐Ÿ˜‰

— barbSubj: Re:Ziggy… played guitar…
Date: 10/24/96 1:15:09 AM
From: ALHANA99
Posted on: America Online

“ROFLMAO” I got

but “ASTC?”

and scaring the cat (or canine if you’re a dog person)Subj: Re:Ziggy…
played guitar…
Date: 10/24/96 8:38:36 PM
From: PinkyDVM
Posted on: America Online

Yep, don’t forget about “The Stars, Like Dust.” Gotta give proper
respect to ur sci-fi founding fathers.Subj: Re:What do we call those
shi
Date: 10/25/96 11:33:38 PM
From: I Vorlon I
Posted on: America Online

You forgot Tallahasse Yellow Star(yes, it is a legitimate color).Subj:
Re:What do we call those shi
Date: 10/26/96 12:42:01 AM
From: Theodosial
Posted on: America Online

Don’t forget “STAR A STAR”

(aka “* A *”)Subj: Re:What do we call those shi
Date: 10/26/96 2:18:45 AM
From: CWheater
Posted on: America Online

Just dropped by this folder… I’m not a regular here….and wanted to
share one thought before saying good night.

You folks watched WAY too many reruns! <g>
Subj: Re:What do we call those shi
Date: 10/26/96 2:43:17 AM
From: Wrngtl
Posted on: America Online

<<You folks watched WAY too many reruns! <g>>>

Blame WB. :)Subj: Re:What do we call those shi
Date: 10/26/96 3:36:46 AM
From: Kydreamer
Posted on: America Online

We watch what we can get…unfortunately.Subj: Re:What do we call
those shi
Date: 10/26/96 5:32:59 AM
From: Janatjaime
Posted on: America Online

Here’s another suggestion (but only if you’re a Rolling Stones fan):
“Star Star” (which of course, is the polite version of
“Starf***er”Subj: Re:What do we call those shi
Date: 10/26/96 5:25:06 PM
From: Wake01
Posted on: America Online

star burnSubj: Re:What do we call those shi
Date: 10/26/96 10:45:49 PM
From: JdiJade
Posted on: America Online

did we have star burst as in fruit chews yet?

cant keep em straight anymore!Subj: Re:What do we call those shi
Date: 10/27/96 12:38:51 AM
From: LtjgSkully
Posted on: America Online

U guys must b hi-er than a kite. . . some of the stuff u guys come up
with, sheesh!!!
Skully :->
Subj: YKYBWTMB5W
Date: 10/28/96 12:58:23 AM
From: KMurray513
Posted on: America Online

You know you’ve been watching too much B5 when you tell your kid,
who’s in the basement, to turn off the lights in DownBelow when she
comes out.

Subj: Re:YKYBWTMB5W
Date: 10/28/96 1:44:16 AM
From: Sheridan98
Posted on: America Online

I’M DYING OVER HERE —– That is beyond the pale!!!!!!!Subj: Ship
names
Date: 10/28/96 4:32:57 AM
From: Mrtini
Posted on: America Online

“Star Fish” ” Orphan Star ” ( by Alan Dean Foster )
“Star Saphire”Subj: Re:Ship names
Date: 10/28/96 3:57:10 PM
From: Kkll8300
Posted on: America Online

“Third star to the left…”
Peter PanSubj: Re:lights down below
Date: 10/28/96 10:48:41 PM
From: BPowell170
Posted on: America Online

LOL :)

— barbSubj: Re:What do we call those shi
Date: 10/29/96 2:37:02 AM
From: Rick9719
Posted on: America Online

Red Star, Pink Star, Vermillion Star, Burgandy with just a hint of
Orcher Star, Heliotrope Star…Subj: Re:lights down below
Date: 10/29/96 2:40:42 AM
From: PinkyDVM
Posted on: America Online

I can’t think of any B5 phrases that have entered our household’s
lexicon (though I’m sure there are some) but for years we’ve been
telling each other in the car- driver who has his/her hands full to
passenger, “I’m putting you in charge of communications and life
support.” The radio and heat/AC to non- Trekkers.Subj: Re:stars
Date: 10/30/96 6:03:06 AM
From: SHERzipp
Posted on: America Online

Stardust Ballroom?

SherrySubj: Re:stars
Date: 10/30/96 10:06:37 PM
From: Sheridan98
Posted on: America Online

okay folks there are 25 postings of “star” names … give me a bitSubj:
what to name the ships
Date: 10/31/96 3:31:34 AM
From: Sheridan98
Posted on: America Online

okay — heres the full list….. find a fav:

“And the sky full of stars”
Burgandy with just a hint of Orcher Star
Orphan Star ( by Alan Dean Foster )
Pink Star
Red Star
Stardust Ballroom
Star Fish
Star Sapphire
Third star to the left… Peter Pan
Vermillion Star
Heliotrope Star…
Star light.. Star Bright.. First star …
Light Eggplant Star
Puce Star
Puke-green Star
DeathStar
Starman
A Distant Star
The Sky Full Of Stars
Northern Star
Prime Star
Stargate
Gold Star
Lone Star
Book Star
One Star Two Star Red Star Blue Star…
You don’t have to be a star
Jesus Christ Superstar
Starkist
Ziggy Stardust
Starina
Starling
Kay Starr
K Star R
Beyond the Farthest Star
Wish Upon A Star
Battle Star
Zak Starkey
Chartreuse Star
Robin’s-egg Blue Star
Magenta Star
Burnt Sienna Star
Raw Umber Star,
Mustard Star
Off-white Star
Pumpkin Star
Olive Drab Star
desert cammie star
subdued star
haze grey and underway star
different shades of blue cammie star
Dress Blue Star
Movie Star
Starskey and Hutch
Starting to go crazy
Starstruck,
Star Tropics
Star Fox
Starstuff
Dwarf Star
Neutron Star
North Star
Dog Star
Morning Star
Evening Star
Death Star
Rock Star
Superstar
Guest Star
Gun Star? (“The Last Starfighter”)
Bart Starr
Brenda Starr
Lady Stardust
“Oh my God, STARS”
Starr Twinkle
Star Light
Star Bright
Star of India
Star of David
Star of Bethlehem
Stars & Stripes
STAR A STAR” (aka “* A *”)
STAR BURN
star burst
Star Wars
Star Trek
Star Lost
Starland
Starlog
Shining Star
Star Sapphire
Starshine
“Star Star” (which of course, is the polite version of “Starf***er)
Starry Night
Stardust
Starry Eyes
Tallahassee Yellow Star
“The Stars, Like Dust”
“Ziggy Stardust”
And the command center would be ” The Observatory ” !Subj:
Re:what to name the ships
Date: 10/31/96 4:03:59 AM
From: TheLadyT
Posted on: America Online

Hey, Sheridan98–you forgot

Star Butcher
Star Baker
Star Candlestickmaker

With Light and Love,
The Lady TSubj: Re:what to name the ships
Date: 10/31/96 5:00:12 AM
From: AmberH
Posted on: America Online

and don’t forget “And starring as…” and “Special Guest Star”

(yes, I’m relentless)Subj: Re:what to name the ships
Date: 10/31/96 7:43:26 AM
From: JVibber
Posted on: America Online

And don’t forget “Stars Upon Thars”
Subj: Those Ships, Those Ships…
Date: 10/31/96 11:40:23 PM
From: MONGOOSEPC
Posted on: America Online

…those Starships….

Delenn would say, “Time to make his*star*y.Subj: Riddle (no
stars!)
Date: 11/4/96 2:28:00 AM
From: KMurray513
Posted on: America Online

Okay, enough with the ship names.
Why did the telepath cross the road?
s
p
o
o

s
p
a
c
e
To get to the other Psi.

Karen (running for her life!)Subj: Joethras/ Zathras ’96 Song
Date: 11/4/96 4:50:05 AM
From: NEROS1MOM
Posted on: America Online

“Actually, the more I think about it, the more I like the idea of
Zathras as
a political speechwriter or candidate”

jms 10-27-96

JOETHRAS/ZATHRAS CAMPAIGN SONG
(Sung to the tune of the Flintstones theme, yup, the Flintstones
theme. Must
be the similarity between their attire and that of Zathras, thats my
hallucination and I’m spinning to it)
Joethras and ole Zathras
They’re the presidential choice for me
From the B5 Station
The best candidates in history

Lets vote for these “ones” oh yes let’s do
You know its what you really want don’t you?

Someday build a statue in their name.
Civilization never will be quite the same.

Vote for them and then you will see
One thing you will have is symetry.

The big bad budget deficit
Zathras will find right tool and fix it.

Our best, last hope for victory
Somewhere else they’ll never ever be.

Better than Clinton or Dole
You know they have Valen in their soul.

If you vote for Joethras
Zathras will be there too
To serve me and you
Best thing since flarn and spoo!

Doreen M. Rymkiewicz
Cannot run out of time, only hope to run out of silly things to do with
it!

Subj: Re:what to name the ships
Date: 11/4/96 7:48:20 AM
From: MassPHIL
Posted on: America Online

gag,
what about Star-ving artists,

In Stareo where available…Subj: 3rd Season Dedications
Date: 11/4/96 11:56:01 PM
From: Talethea
Posted on: America Online
Song: Still the One (by Orleans) Song: United We Stand (by
Blessed Union of Soul)
To: Delenn To: G’Kar
From: Zathrus From: Garibaldi

Song: Be My Baby (by the Ronnettes) Song: And Then He Kissed
Me
To: Susan To: John
From: Marcus From: Delenn

Subj: Re:Joethras/ Zathras ’96 Son
Date: 11/5/96 12:43:32 AM
From: MONGOOSEPC
Posted on: America Online

Zathras/Rymkiewicz…..There’s symmetry in that….Wanna run for
Veep?Subj: Challenging Karen
Date: 11/5/96 12:46:39 AM
From: MONGOOSEPC
Posted on: America Online

Minbarbie and Kennier went out on a date to a Minbarbecue
restaurant in Kennier’s Roadstar. Afterwards, they decided to see a
movie, “Shades of Gray: The Last Temptation of Valen.” Then
Minbarbie went home with Kennier to watch him sleep, but that was
the end of the courtship. Asleep, awake, in any costume he donned,
the bone was still made out of plastic.

Subj: Re:3rd Season Dedications
Date: 11/5/96 2:12:14 AM
From: PinkyDVM
Posted on: America Online

<Loud, heartfelt groan.> :-)Subj: Re:3rd Season Dedications
Date: 11/5/96 8:48:46 AM
From: AmberH
Posted on: America Online

Here’s a new one that just struck me this weekend: “Shake the
disease” by Depeche Mode from Marcus to Susan. (it’s one of the most
romantic songs I know!)Subj: Narn Adventure Hero
Date: 11/6/96 2:04:42 PM
From: MONGOOSEPC
Posted on: America Online

Q: What Narn nobleman was separated from his pouchbrother as
an infant and raised by a primitive species in the wild?

A: G’Karzan.Subj: Re:Narn Adventure Hero
Date: 11/7/96 11:51:56 PM
From: KMurray513
Posted on: America Online

I concede!!!

KarenSubj: more ship names
Date: 11/8/96 3:30:22 PM
From: CAMButcher
Posted on: America Online

keep on naming those ships….

The Black and White Star…..an older model, before color
Star Pupil
Koo Star-k (an x-rated vessel)

CamSubj: Re:more ship names
Date: 11/8/96 9:20:56 PM
From: TrapJon
Posted on: America Online

Gee, I thought that this one would be obvious……

TV Star….Movie Star….Co-Star….
Okay, they were bad, so quit STARring at me.Subj: Re:What do we
call those shi
Date: 11/9/96 6:54:42 AM
From: TooMuch826
Posted on: America Online

How about Star Spangle BannerSubj: Re:What do we call those shi
Date: 11/11/96 8:12:19 PM
From: Sheridan98
Posted on: America Online

ohhhhhhhh ohhhhhh baaaaaaaaaaadddddddddddddddd

Subj: Re:Babylon 5 CD
Date: 11/12/96 5:49:49 AM
From: MassPHIL
Posted on: America Online

Ok, better late than never, you’ll prolly have to read waaay back to
get this, but the Green Drazi could do “The Grass was Greener”? If,
indeed that ist he title. Pink Floyd, I believe?Subj: Re:Babylon 5 CD
Date: 11/12/96 6:16:30 AM
From: AmberH
Posted on: America Online

Not so much humour as mood music but “shake the disease” (Depeche
Mode) by marcus for ivanovaSubj: best line on B5
Date: 11/12/96 6:31:28 PM
From: AmesDale
Posted on: America Online

Londo (to Vir): “Intelligence has no place in politics.”Subj: Portents
and Fortunes
Date: 11/13/96 3:23:05 AM
From: WaywardFlf
Posted on: America Online
During a lull in the fighting of the Shadows, Sheridan, Delenn, Susan
Ivanova, and Marcus went to the opening of the new Vorlon
restaurant on Babylon 5.

After their main course of Vorlon swedish meatballs, the humans
had Bananas Foster for dessert, and Delenn opted for the chocolate-
covered jalapenos.

On their way out, they each got the traditional Vorlon fortune cookie.
Sheridan’s said:

“If you go to Z’Ha’Dum, you will die.”

Delenn’s said:

“Respect is irrelevant.”

Susan Ivanova’s said:

“We are all Kosh.”

Marcus’ said:

“Watch what you say about the great god Boogie.”

 
–WaywardFlf
Subj: Re:Music/Humor
Date: 11/13/96 4:19:34 AM
From: AnnieWheel
Posted on: America Online

How about “Hitchin a Ride” for Garibaldi?

AnnieSubj: Babylon 5 singled out
Date: 11/13/96 5:51:39 AM
From: Tryel Sana
Posted on: America Online

I don’t know if this has already been posted but If any of you want
I’ll either mail it to the interested party or post it here but it is
long!!!
Tryel
Subj: Re:Portents and Fortunes
Date: 11/13/96 8:52:13 PM
From: BPowell170
Posted on: America Online

Very good, Wayward! LOL

— barbSubj: Re:Portents and Fortunes
Date: 11/14/96 1:19:46 AM
From: WaywardFlf
Posted on: America Online

<<LOL>>

Thanks, Barb. Of course, the *really* fun part is seeing how many
episodes you can say are ‘referred to’ in the story, or how many
passing references there are.

Looking for Boogie Blessings,

WaywardFlfSubj: Irrelevant observation…
Date: 11/15/96 2:36:00 AM
From: Tesia
Posted on: America Online

Just a completely irrelevant observation to anything… but, was I
just hallucinating, or did the disfigured Morden bear a striking
resemblance to Christopher Lambert? I kept expecting him to rasp
at any moment “There can be only one….”

Jaime (sorry, the way my mind works, you know…. you don’t want to
know, as a “One Life to Live” fan, what I was thinking about Wortham
Krimmer as the emperor…)Subj: YKYBWTMB5W
Date: 11/17/96 4:06:28 PM
From: KMurray513
Posted on: America Online

1. … you get a scribbled phone message signed D*l*n*, and it takes
you a minute to realize the caller was *Darlene* …
2. …. your kids are making a pattern they call “Shadow Ships” with
their cat’s cradle strings.

Really!

Karen (in danger of losing all touch with things mundane)Subj: Light
Bulbs
Date: 11/17/96 4:09:05 PM
From: KMurray513
Posted on: America Online

How many Shadows does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They come out every few thousand years,blow up all the light
bulbs, and wait to see if they evolve.
(Sorry.I’ve been wondering about this for weeks)

Karen (totally out of touch with the mundane!)Subj: Z’ha’dum/real
spelling
Date: 11/17/96 9:38:59 PM
From: Kkll8300
Posted on: America Online

There is no way to leave Z’ha’dum — maybe it’s just a new way to
spell “Hotel California”Subj: Re:Z’ha’dum/real spelling
Date: 11/17/96 9:57:31 PM
From: Luna457954
Posted on: America Online

I feel a filk coming on….Subj: Re:YKYBWTMB5W
Date: 11/20/96 2:21:11 AM
From: PinkyDVM
Posted on: America Online

3. You see the University of Illinois logo on a football field while
channel surfing and think it’s the Psi Corps logo. (This really
happened. Can you imagine? What a game *that* would be!)Subj:
Re:Z’ha’dum/real spelling
Date: 11/21/96 5:35:07 PM
From: Garke
Posted on: America Online

What’s a filk?Subj: Re:Z’ha’dum/real spelling
Date: 11/21/96 6:15:08 PM
From: Tryel Sana
Posted on: America Online

A filk is when someone takes a song and rewrites the lyrics. Most
filks I’ve seen are based off of Sci fi
TryelSubj: Re:Z’ha’dum/real spelling
Date: 11/21/96 9:19:19 PM
From: Luna457954
Posted on: America Online

The Z’ha’dum filk is coming….You have been warned…..

–Luna(Bwahahahaaaa)Subj: Re:Z’ha’dum/real spelling
Date: 11/22/96 7:29:25 AM
From: JVibber
Posted on: America Online

[to the tune, Xanadu]

Z’ha’dum!
Z’ha’du-um! (Now you are here)
In Z’ha’du-u-um!

Z’ha’dum, your infra red will shine!
In dark, Z’ha’dum!

A place
Where nobody wants to go
People you shouldn’t know
All live on Z’ha’dum!

They sneak
Fight, infiltrate, and kill
But for a cause, not thrill
They come from Z’ha’du-um!

Now that you’re here
Your death is near
On here, Z’ha’du-um!
Subj: Re:Z’ha’dum/real spelling
Date: 11/22/96 10:04:27 PM
From: CWheater
Posted on: America Online

>>I feel a filk coming on…<<

A filk???Subj: THE First One
Date: 11/23/96 1:18:44 AM
From: Wings20742
Posted on: America Online

Anyone notice THE First One appears to be driving a fish ship?Subj:
Re:THE First One
Date: 11/23/96 3:21:09 PM
From: Kath093
Posted on: America Online

I did notice that. My first thought on seeing it was it’s an incoming
fish! Sorry I’ve been sick, really ;-).Subj: Re:Filk….
Date: 11/23/96 6:41:02 PM
From: SyberJo
Posted on: America Online
“A filk, a filk, my kingdom for a filk!”

Don’t worry, the doctor’s coming to give me my
medicine soon….Subj: Re:THE First One
Date: 11/24/96 11:25:26 AM
From: VanGogh167
Posted on: America Online

I thought it looked kinda birdlikeSubj: Re:THE First One
Date: 11/25/96 1:55:09 AM
From: Mesika
Posted on: America Online

No not a bird. I believe it looked like a fish .Yes a fish i believe.Subj:
Re:THE First One
Date: 11/25/96 2:43:44 AM
From: Mrtini
Posted on: America Online

It’s a bird ! It’s a fish ! It’s a – billy goat – ? Was It just me or
did the First One look like
a goat ?Subj: Re:YKYBWTMB5W
Date: 11/25/96 9:07:45 PM
From: Penny Linn
Posted on: America Online

Its not the U of illinois that uses the psi looking u in i figure its
Indiana.
Subj: “The Summoning” Dedication
Date: 11/26/96 10:48:39 PM
From: Talethea
Posted on: America Online
Song: “Reunited” (by Peached & Herb)
To: John
From: Delenn
Talethea
(Boom-shaka-laka-laka)Subj: Songs for CD
Date: 11/27/96 6:47:00 AM
From: JVibber
Posted on: America Online

“Wednesday Morning, 3:00 AM” — Ivanova
Subj: Re:Songs for CD
Date: 11/27/96 3:55:18 PM
From: BPowell170
Posted on: America Online

Cute, JV, cute :)

— barbSubj: Folder Approaching Critical
Date: 11/27/96 7:51:27 PM
From: TheLadyT
Posted on: America Online

Who do you talk to about getting this folder downloaded and a new
one started? I’d hate to see any of this great stuff get lost
(although some could use it–wink).

The Lady TSubj: Re:Folder Approaching Critic
Date: 11/27/96 11:27:39 PM
From: Archer C1
Posted on: America Online

I have an archived copy of the folder, if anyone ever wants one.Subj:
Marcus to Ivanova song
Date: 11/28/96 3:57:15 AM
From: LBarlow835
Posted on: America Online

This is an old but well suited song to Ivanova from Marcus “Girl look
what you’ve done to me”Subj: Re:YKYBWTMB5W
Date: 11/29/96 2:02:58 AM
From: PinkyDVM
Posted on: America Online

Indiana not Illinois…sorry, you’re right. Obviously I don’t live in that
part of the country. :-)Subj: Marcus to Ivanova song
Date: 11/29/96 6:07:05 AM
From: Tryel Sana
Posted on: America Online

Personally I think Every Little Thig she Does is Magic By the Police
is also a good one or if you want to get Reall deep but depressing One
by U2Subj: Re:Songs for CD
Date: 11/30/96 12:02:01 AM
From: Unforth
Posted on: America Online

Hi.
How about this one (I’ve been seeing the CD postings and laughing for
a long time, but this is the ONLY one I’ve been able to think of)

Song: “The Sign” (Ace of Bass)
To: Delenn
From: Valen (Sinclair)

Unforth _\\//
Subj: Re:Songs for CD
Date: 11/30/96 4:10:33 AM
From: MassPHIL
Posted on: America Online

Just for the H*** of it, how about Billy Joel’s “2000 years.” Maybe it
should be changed to 1000 years, but hey, it’s a long time. :)Subj:
Re:Songs for CD
Date: 11/30/96 4:19:56 AM
From: MassPHIL
Posted on: America Online

Saw this in ask JMS #12, but Who are you? by the who WOULD be
perfect for the Vs.Subj: Re:Light Bulbs
Date: 12/1/96 4:47:12 PM
From: MONGOOSEPC
Posted on: America Online

How many Shadows does it take to change a lightbulb?

Alternate answer: Trick question. When the light goes out, all the
Shadows disappear.Subj: More Light Bulbs
Date: 12/1/96 4:48:51 PM
From: MONGOOSEPC
Posted on: America Online

How many Vorlons does it take to change a light bulb?

Who knows? They go berserk when the old one dies, and do they
ever hate change.Subj: And….
Date: 12/1/96 4:50:55 PM
From: MONGOOSEPC
Posted on: America Online

How many Psi Cops to change that bulb?

You know. You know, and you’ll tell us. You will tell us. You want
to tell us! You do, don’t you? Admit it!Subj: Re:And….
Date: 12/1/96 4:53:40 PM
From: BPowell170
Posted on: America Online

Great, Mongoose :)

— barbSubj: Re:best line on B5
Date: 12/1/96 4:57:40 PM
From: MONGOOSEPC
Posted on: America Online

Garibaldi to Franklin: “The future should come with instructions,
‘Some assembly required.'”Subj: Blazing Planet
Date: 12/2/96 6:55:45 AM
From: JVibber
Posted on: America Online

Ah, I can see it now. Londo returns from Narn, having left Cartagia
behind due to an unfortunate “accident.” He gets onto the planetwide
broadcast media and makes his announcement:

“People of Centauri Prime. I have unfortunate news to report. News
that has been kept from you. In 24 hours, the Vorlons will be coming
to Centauri Prime to destroy the entire planet. They are an
unstoppable force, from which there is no escape. But I have a plan.
A plan that will depend upon the efforts of every citizen of the
Republic. And the Narns have agreed to help, in exchange for freedom
of their world and some land to call their own. We will construct a
fake planet, a decoy for the Vorlon planet killer. They will destroy
it and think their job is done, then go away. Now, here is citizen
G’Kar Johnson, to explain how this plan is to be carried out….”

[With apologies to Mel Brooks’ “Blazing Saddles”] Subj: Re:Blazing Planet
Date: 12/2/96 7:47:56 AM
From: MassPHIL
Posted on: America Online

roflmfaosoihSubj: Babylon 5 CD
Date: 12/2/96 8:19:05 PM
From: Archer C1
Posted on: America Online

Emperor Turhan and the Godheads: “We Didn’t Start The Fire” (Billy
Joel)Subj: Re:Blazing Planet
Date: 12/2/96 11:14:21 PM
From: BPowell170
Posted on: America Online

That’s great, JV :)

— barbSubj: Re:best line on B5
Date: 12/3/96 2:13:56 AM
From: AnnieWheel
Posted on: America Online

Mongoose,

Please, which episode is this from?
<<Garibaldi to Franklin: “The future should come with instructions,
‘Some
assembly required.'”>>

AnnieSubj: Another Dedication
Date: 12/3/96 11:37:42 PM
From: Talethea
Posted on: America Online
Song: Going Out of My Head Over You (by Little Anthony & the
Imperials)
To: Susan
From: Marcus

TaletheaSubj: Re:Subliminal Message?
Date: 12/4/96 12:58:48 AM
From: Larro23
Posted on: America Online

The message said: Trust Psi-corps

Larro23
Subj: Re:best line on B5
Date: 12/4/96 1:55:48 AM
From: MONGOOSEPC
Posted on: America Online

AnnieWheel: Second season, “Hunter, Prey.” G-Mon dons hat and
coat worthy of Columbo, and he and Franklin go “down below” in
search of one of Franklin’s mentors.Subj: Re:Another Dedication
Date: 12/4/96 4:14:03 AM
From: Tryel Sana
Posted on: America Online

Song: It Had to Be You
To: Commander Susan Ivanova
From: Marcus Cole

TryelSubj: Top Ten
Date: 12/4/96 4:25:00 AM
From: Wrngtl
Posted on: America Online

Okay, this isn’t my fault, it’s my husband’s, from before WWE, but I
just found it in cleaning out the hard drive. (He was “helping” with an
HTML project for one of my classes.) ๐Ÿ˜€
And now, from the home office on Z’ha’dum:

The Top Ten Reasons the Shadows
Will Win This Silly War

 

10. We don’t have bones in our heads.
9. Cooler ships.
8. Our security chief doesn’t waste his time watching Duck Dodgers
in the 24th 1/2 Century.
7. Slicing up Narn cruisers is kind of fun.
6. Morden.
5. Vir.
4. Everyone runs from spiders.
3. We know what you want.
2. Our leader doesn’t have a hole in his mind.

And, the number one reason the Shadows will win:

It has nothing to do with the war, but we think Ivanova is a
babe!Subj: Babylon 5 on CD
Date: 12/4/96 11:35:08 PM
From: Talethea
Posted on: America Online

Here are four more entries:

“Cupid, Draw Back Your Bow” sung by Marcus

“Going to the Chapel” sung by Sheridan

“And Then He Kissed Me” sung by Delenn

“Jessie’s Girl” sung by Lennier

Enjoy.

TaletheaSubj: Re:Babylon 5 on CD
Date: 12/5/96 4:49:31 AM
From: Luna457954
Posted on: America Online

okay, more songs

“Head over Feet” Ivanova (to Marcus)
“Everything I do, I Do it for You”-John and Delenn
“My Favorite Number is Six (Sesame Street)- Vir
“She’s Got a Way”- Sheridan
“You Oughta Know”- Anna Sheridan
–and does anyone besides me think that “Stairway to Heaven is a
great B5 song?

–LunaSubj: Re:Babylon 5 on CD
Date: 12/5/96 6:00:35 AM
From: MassPHIL
Posted on: America Online

And when (if?) they finally defeat the Ss and Vs, they can sing
Smashing Pumpkins “Today”Subj: Re:Babylon 5 on MASH
Date: 12/5/96 6:17:40 AM
From: Tryel Sana
Posted on: America Online

I just happened to be watching M*A*S*H I happened to notice how
much B5 smacks of the show so my fiance and I matched characters.
Add as you like:
the first two are obvious at least to me
Sheridan=Potter
Ivanova= “Hot Lips” (especially later seasons)
Marcus= Hawkeye
Franklin= B.J.
Garibaldi= Trapper
Vir= Radar
Londo=Winchester

have funSubj: Re:Babylon 5 on CD
Date: 12/5/96 6:19:18 AM
From: Tryel Sana
Posted on: America Online

More Songs
Goodnight Saigon
Mysterious Ways for Delenn
Nobody’s hero for MarcusSubj: Re:Babylon 5 on CD
Date: 12/6/96 5:50:31 AM
From: JVibber
Posted on: America Online

“She Loves Me” by Marcus

Especially the chorus that goes:

Yesterday she loathed me — PAH!
Now today she likes me — HAH!
And tomorrow — tomorrow — AH!

‘Cause when my love discovers
That she and I are lovers,
Imagine how surprised she’s gonna be!
She LOVES ME!
Subj: Costumes
Date: 12/6/96 4:08:58 PM
From: Kkll8300
Posted on: America Online

So, which overalls do Vorlons wear under their encounter suits?

Osh Kosh B’Gosh!

Sorry–sorry–I couldn’t help it…Subj: B5 Anthem
Date: 12/6/96 4:28:28 PM
From: MONGOOSEPC
Posted on: America Online

Like, has anyone compiling the CD noted R.E.M.’s “It’s the End of
the World As We Know It”?Subj: Re:B5 Anthem
Date: 12/6/96 7:06:12 PM
From: Wrngtl
Posted on: America Online

Add (for the Narn resistance): “Do You Hear the People Sing” from Les
Miz. (If you haven’t heard it, you won’t get it.)
Subj: Re:B5 CD
Date: 12/6/96 9:46:10 PM
From: Archer C1
Posted on: America Online

Sting: “I’m So Happy I Can’t Stop Crying (Delenn)Subj: Re:B5 Anthem
Date: 12/8/96 4:22:04 AM
From: TheLadyT
Posted on: America Online

“Darkness, Darkness,” by the YoungbloodsSubj: Re:B5 Anthem
Date: 12/8/96 5:26:32 AM
From: JKW1592
Posted on: America Online

At least one person gets it and agree with you.Subj: Some Kosh stuff
Date: 12/9/96 12:12:01 AM
From: Yado M
Posted on: America Online

On the message boards, its getting a little confusing to keep the
koshes (koshi?) straight. Hear are a couple ways I’ve seen:

Kosh Classic: Kosh, Kosh Classic. Can’t beat the real thing! (for full
effect, sing to “Coca-Cola Classic jingle)

Kosh II: The wrath of Kosh
Subj: Re:Some Kosh stuff
Date: 12/9/96 12:14:47 AM
From: Yado M
Posted on: America Online

(sorry, accidently pre-sent it)
or

Kosh II:Judgement Day

or
Kosh II: Son of Kosh

last one:
Kosh II: No more Mister Nice Vorlon

Wanna-be Hack
Yado MSubj: Re:Some Kosh stuff
Date: 12/9/96 4:13:11 AM
From: TheLadyT
Posted on: America Online

You forgot “Kosh Vader”

(term coined by a friend of Pat Tallman’s)Subj: Bab5 CD
Date: 12/11/96 6:35:09 AM
From: Tryel Sana
Posted on: America Online

And we can’t forget the new Phil Collins song
“Dance into the Light”
Subj: Re:Bab5 CD
Date: 12/11/96 9:17:03 PM
From: Davida TN
Posted on: America Online

Went through all the CD files — no one had suggested

“Just Me and My Shadow” — Morden
Subj: Re:Bab5 CD
Date: 12/12/96 2:54:20 AM
From: TheLadyT
Posted on: America Online

What about….

“Give Me Three Steps”

–Lorien to JMSSubj: Babylon 5 On CD
Date: 12/12/96 10:25:37 PM
From: Talethea
Posted on: America Online

More additions:

“Crying Over You” sung by Lennier to Delenn

“One Fine Day” sung by Marcus to Susan

“Pretty Woman” sung by Marcus to Susan
Talethea
12/13/96 4:36:24 PM Closing “humor4″

 

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